Sometimes we make mistakes, say or do the wrong thing, and hurt someone’s feelings along the way. I had a recent experience where I spoke before thinking, and realized after the fact that I reacted hastily and poorly to a respected colleague. I’d like to share this scenario with you so you can see how it played out.
In March I attended a meeting for the National Association of Productivity and Organizing Professionals of Northern NJ (NAPO/NNJ). I usually take time before and after the meeting to meet and greet colleagues with whom I want to keep in touch. One colleague, whose name is also Eileen was there and we chatted briefly.
When I asked Eileen what was new with her, she informed me that she recently published a book titled, “After the Funeral, A Practical Memoir for Administering Your Loved One’s Estate.” She held the book out for me to touch, feel and open. I experienced a knee jerk reaction to the title, and stepped back from Eileen and the book, and told her that I was not interested in reviewing it but thanked her for telling me about her accomplishment.
I knew immediately that I had behaved poorly. My feeble attempt at an explanation was that I had enough experience with my own loved one’s estates and was quite satisfied with my level of knowledge in that arena. Eileen handled it well, but as I was driving home from the meeting, I felt that I could have handled that encounter better.
Within a day or two of the meeting, I sent Eileen an email and explained why I reacted the way I did. I asked for a do-over and Eileen agreed. Since 2001 my sister and I have said goodbye to five family members with a wide variety of illnesses and accidents leading up to death; one earth shattering, some expected, one long overdue, but all very sad. We have a small family and I am very aware of that after having prepared a list of invites for our son’s wedding. Those who we have lost since 2001 will be there in spirit, but sadly not joining in the celebration of Jason and Emily’s special day. I did not realize how much this was weighing on my heart until I sat with fingers to keyboard to write this article.
So, to Eileen Monahan, a hearty mazal tov on having your book published and getting your story out there, and a sincere thank you for allowing me to do-over our conversation on March 25. Thank you for bringing a copy to our National NAPO Conference in Fort Worth, where I read the book within 24 hours. Your story is compelling, well written, sad and funny all at the same time. I got to know you better through your writing and I am grateful for that opportunity. I also appreciate being given a second chance. Thank you, Eileen!
Is there a do-over waiting to happen in your life? I get it that every family and friendship has its “meshugas,” and we are not perfect. Do-overs are possible if you ask and are willing to admit your misstep. I hear stories from my clients about “he said, she said, can you believe they did that?” There may be times where the harsh words were expressed, but given a chance to “do-over,” they would have been edited. What I learned from this experience is one can always ask for a do-over. Think about it, in this case it worked for me.
To learn more about Eileen Moynahan’s book, “After The Funeral, A Practical Memoir for Administering Your Loved One’s Estate,” you can read the reviews and description at https://www.amazon.com/After-Funeral-Practical-Memoir-Administering-ebook/dp/B07NZWTDFV. Eileen writes from the perspective of a daughter and a professional organizer who lost both parents in a tragic auto accident while they were driving to her uncle’s funeral. The book is not meant as legal advice, but an honest how to guide from the perspective of a loving and grieving daughter.
Happy organizing!
By Eileen Bergman
Eileen Bergman is a professional organizer, a proud member of the National Association of Productivity and Organizing Professionals (NAPO) and the Institute for Challenging Disorganization (ICD). Eileen is listed in the resource directory for the Hoarding Disorder Resource and Training Group. Eileen may be reached at 973-303-3236 or [email protected].
