Rabbi Dr. Wallace Greene brings up an important issue in his article “The Entitled Generation(s): Part I” in the May 18, 2023 edition. He shares his concern regarding the sense of entitlement that many kids display. While much of what he expresses in the article makes a lot of sense, I feel it is necessary to comment on the following sentence: “No one ever talked back to a teacher and getting a note sent home for misbehavior meant a sore tush.” To provide context, this was him fondly looking back on the generation in which he grew up. One where the traits of the entitled child was practically non-existent, kids had manners and they knew their place. Of course that is all well and good, but it is very important to understand that a child’s behavior is just the superficial surface of what adults can see. As a child, I acted out in school (Mrs. Alexander, please forgive me). I did not do this because I was “bad,” disrespectful or because I wasn’t taught proper manners. I did this because I was very bored and I did not have the ability to sit quietly at a desk for hours a day. Would the appropriate consequence to my misbehavior in school have been for my parents to hit me? Would that have helped me to do better? How about someone hitting his/her spouse because he/she did something wrong? Would that be considered an appropriate technique to “teach” the spouse? Of course it sounds so ridiculous when speaking about an adult doing this to another adult. But why shouldn’t it sound just as ridiculous when speaking about an adult hitting a child?

I agree that we can look fondly back at childhoods of previous generations—where children played outside for hours instead of spending their time on electronics; where kids experienced fewer interventions and a more carefree childhood; where they internalized the more stress free lifestyle of their parents. I believe what the author referred to as positive aspects of child rearing including placing obedience and good behavior as paramount and doling out potches as a consequence are in fact an impediment to a child’s healthy development and emotional wellbeing. How many “good” little boys and girls have grown up carrying around the toxic emotion of shame? While all emotions can be productive and helpful when appropriately channeled, shame is the exception. Shame is not about feeling bad about making a mistake; rather, it is the person feeling “I am the mistake.” I don’t need to go into the details of the havoc that this can cause to a person’s life. As someone who parents may look to for advice and guidance, I am hoping that Rabbi Dr. Greene chooses his words more carefully in the future and makes sure they align with current research of what is actually the best way to help our kids.