Caldwell—In a town known for its thriving Conservative community, Donn Gross saw a need. As a newcomer to town, he longed for a true Orthodox synagogue nearby, but had to settle for walking four miles each way to the Chabad of West Orange every Shabbos and holiday. While he gained tremendous faith and experienced spiritual growth through Chabad, he knew he needed something closer to home.
Bet Dovid, a traditional synagogue providing an “authentic Jewish experience,” was born out of this need. What began as a pipe dream is fast on its way to becoming an important part of the fabric of the town. Culled from chance meetings and random encounters, the “membership” has grown since the shul’s inception. Meeting one Shabbos morning a month for davening and a vegan Kiddush prepared by Gross himself, the shul has gotten minyanim on two of their last three meetings. According to Gross, the fact that on a frigid and snowy recent Shabbos they did not have the requisite 10 men was less important than the fact that they had three new attendees at shul that morning. That is something Gross has learned from his time with Chabad: that outreach is vital to growth.
As someone who grew up in a strictly Orthodox home in Staten Island, Gross knows first-hand how people can be turned off to Judaism by virtue of its being “forced” upon them in yeshiva and at home. That was his experience during his formative years. But, when he lost his father at the age of 17, everything changed. Gross realized that his life was his own and he had to live it by being true to himself. That was the start of his taking small steps toward embracing Judaism.
At age 21 he went to Israel to learn for three months. Two-and-a-half years later, he returned to finish college at Yeshiva University. He entered Cantorial School and became a chazzan and baal koreh, which he has continued for the past almost 30 years, the last seven at the West Orange Chabad.
His road back to belief and faith was a long one. In his twenties, he took a good look at himself and asked “Why am I keeping Shabbos?” It took him some time to figure it out, but his level of observance never wavered. He eventually realized that his learning could only take him so far and to be fully committed required a leap of faith that he had never taken before. Once he leapt, he never looked back.
For the last year-and-a-half, Gross has been immersed in a smicha program run by the Shulchan Aruch Project out of Lakewood, and has mere months left before officially becoming a rabbi. His philosophy is rooted in his life experiences and he believes that is why he can reach people. He has struggled with his faith just like so many others, and he can share his insights and help open people’s minds and hearts to a life and love of Torah. He tries to provide logical, reasonable answers while emphasizing that belief is also a matter of faith.
A family crisis precipitated the move to Caldwell. He began by davening at the Conservative synagogue, while remaining personally Orthodox. He and several other local men eventually began making the long walk to West Orange. These men formed the foundation of Bet Dovid. The shul is growing by word of mouth—from people he meets at his gym, to fellow shoppers at local stores, to the Orthodox children of the Conservative synagogue’s members—and Gross believes it will only continue to grow.
Gross does not preach; he leads by example. He strives to inspire by sharing his life story. He attempts to insert joy into people’s worship, which is something he learned from Chabad. He helps others take lessons from all aspects of their lives, including the negative.
“The beauty of life is figuring out the ‘why’ in everything,” believes Gross.
Gross also offers a weekly class and Friday night dinner. He is proud to have recently made a siyuum with his learning group. He recently purchased two sifrei Torah and a megillah, and hopes to be able to have a megillah reading on Purim. He leads all services himself, and includes a medley of Chabad, Carlebach, Conservative, and modern Orthodox tunes in the hopes of appealing to everyone.
“I know with absolute certainly that we are going down the right path. I am clear that we are on the pulse of what’s going on,” said Gross.
He is confident that as he introduces people to a Chabad-style davening and continues to educate them in both practice and belief, the shul will grow. He invites everyone to his synagogue and will help guide them from whatever their starting point. Ideally, one day he would also love to take what he’s learned and be an educator, as he can see no greater joy than teaching and learning Torah. To him, this is the greatest irony since at 17 he wanted nothing more than to run from Judaism.
One of his more powerful moments came recently, when he met a woman in town and invited her to his synagogue. After he explained a bit about his shul and philosophy, the woman replied, “I could really use something like that.” Gross knows that there are many others out there with a similar feeling. His goal is to try to reach them.
For more information about Bet Dovid, contact Donn Gross at 973-226-9170 or [email protected].
By Jill Kirsch
