Rabbi Baruch Simon, my dear rebbe, has had a profound impact on my life in many ways, but one in particular has truly changed my perspective on life. When he met Rav Ovadia Yosef in Yeshiva University, Rav Ovadia explained a famous verse in Psalms, “Ani Amarti B’Chafzi, Kol Adam Kozev,” “I said rashly all men are false.” He explained the verse to mean that when one works b’chipazon, with haste, it leads to kazvut, falsity. Rabbi Simon always stressed the importance of slowing down, taking time, digesting and working through each of life’s challenges, including challenges in learning.
A theme that often comes up in the therapy room is ideas and thoughts of what the future will hold. It doesn’t matter whether these thoughts are rooted in hope and excitement or in anxiety and stress, the theme remains consistent: a lack of focus on the here and now.
Slowing down equips one with the capacity to both face various life challenges and relish in life’s excitement. When one sees oneself lashing out in anger, losing patience with children, slipping into bed angry, perhaps it’s due to unaddressed stress that has reached a boiling point.
When one feels that nothing positive can occur in life, can’t believe where the time has gone, or when one is praying for time to pass because the next stage of life will bring more happiness, perhaps it’s due to difficulties in being present and mindful of daily joys.
However one expresses it, mindfulness, focusing on the here and now, kavanah or observing ego and slowing down provide many benefits. Developing stronger insight into one’s behaviors and emotional responses, and understanding and working through struggles in a more productive way can limit emotional and physical breakdowns. Disconnecting from technology to play with one’s children or being mindful during a quiet, restful time in bed can increase consistent happiness and joy.
How does one slow down, become more mindful, and not get caught up in various stressors? There are many books, resources and therapists available to provide help in developing techniques for doing so. However, the number one thought that seems to stop someone from trying mindfulness techniques is cynicism. Often used as a defense, cynicism can play out by questioning how much mindfulness can truly help. Or perhaps more often it is the cynicism about the process itself, which could include aspects of meditation, will require the question of “what are you feeling?”
I recently heard on a podcast someone describing the term “yeridat hadorot” or “the descent of generations.” He described that while people may believe that the term is associated with less religious involvement over the course of generations, his feeling is that it’s about individuals’ continued struggle to think and be. Mentioning the sages of old who would sit before and after prayer, he felt that people used to be more focused on being present and aware than they do today.
It’s not easy to change habits, but it can be liberating. To sit, slow down and be aware of what one is feeling often becomes one’s greatest impetus to change. It’s hard to commit to a new process or new way of being but cynicism shouldn’t be what stops one from engaging in true change. The ability to be present is a feeling that trumps all.
Max Kirshblum, LCSW, is the clinical director at Collaborative Minds Psychotherapy LLC. He has seasoned experience working with adolescents, young adults, and family units and has developed and presented multiple training programs on the topics of domestic violence and sexual abuse for clergy and community education programs. For more information about Max or to schedule an appointment with him, visit
www.collaborativeminds.net/max-kirshblum
