Recently, the topic of mental health has become increasingly real and more openly extant. There still remains, though, serious impediments to those who are suffering from mental health issues and their close families due to the stigma and shame associated with it. But the difference between mental and medical health is not as vast as most of us assume. The two are equally devastating, but the shame and humiliation that often accompany those accosted with a mental health diagnosis is a blocking point to the right care and help that are available to them.
Myriad agencies replete with so many programs are available to help, yet the secrecy that surrounds people who need it to maintain healthy lives often prevents them from availing themselves of these services. It’s too bad, because what many people don’t realize is that without the right help, there is much less of a chance to live their lives the way theirs was meant to live: with hope, with courage, with happiness and yes, with family and friends who really care and believe in them with all their might, in spite of their imperfections.
I became an acquaintance of Yossi and his wife, Goldy, when they were guests at our Yom Tov meals. Yossi’s intelligent conversations kept our meals going for far longer than usual, and his grateful and thankful words were honest and humble in their significance.
Having lived in an apartment under an agency’s auspices for many years, Yossi is an accomplished writer and poet. He has studied in college and became frum at a young age. He is devoted to his friends and most especially to his wife. The couple both have a diagnosis of mental illness. As David Mandel, CEO of Ohel Children’s Home once noted in an article he wrote on this subject:
People with disabilities are our next-door neighbors. They work in our supermarkets, our offices, and our warehouses. They learn daf yomi. They enjoy a walk in the park or dinner with friends. They have the same life span and suffer the same physical and medical problems. Too often, they also suffer from an extra malady called stigma. It is a malady given to them by man, not Hashem. But I’ve seen that these men and women can develop social relationships that may lead to marriage and the fulfillment of dreams—just as we all wish for ourselves and our children.
The following is the story of Yossi’s and Goldy’s marriage in Yossi’s own words. It is a glimpse into the heart and mind of a person with tribulations; how despair turned into hope and eventually happiness that he’d never even dreamed could happen.
This story, and the way it is written with honesty and candor, should be a great lesson for those of us who consider ourselves “normal,” yet who don’t put this much thought and effort into their own relationships with their loved ones. Let this be a catalyst for change in terms not only of how we perceive those with mental health problems, but also to rectify the biggest mistake of our lives, as we live it.
Miriam Weiser is a writer and author living in New York. She has been published in many publications and has written three books to date. Check out her website and read her blog at Pagezero.io or she can be reached at [email protected]
