Do impressions matter? Is it our sole concern to do the right thing, or should we care about what others think about our choices?
Our parsha says that we should care about what others think.
“V’h’yitem n’kiyim mei’Hashem umi’Yisrael—“You will be clear before God and before Israel.”
This verse (Bamidbar 32:22) is understood by the Talmud (Pesachim 13a, Yoma 38a) as implying an obligation to avoid even an appearance of impropriety.
The verse’s context is the appeal of the tribes of Gad and Reuvein to be given their allotment of land on the already conquered eastern bank of the Jordan river. After some give and take with Moshe about the inappropriateness of their sitting out the battle for conquest of the rest of the land, it was agreed that they were to participate in that battle until its successful conclusion. They could then return and claim the eastern bank as their portion and they “will (then) be clear before God and before Israel.” Simply put, Moshe was saying that they will then have fulfilled their moral obligation to their brethren by joining them in battle, but the Talmud takes it further, seeing it as an obligation to be clear and innocent in the eyes of other people.
This is especially ironic as it is regarding this particular issue that there is much misunderstanding and misjudgment. Initially, Moshe reacted very strongly to their proposal that they settle on the east bank, equating them to the spies who rejected the land of Israel out of fear of the inhabitants. According to Ramban (Bamidbar 32:2), Moshe’s reaction was built on a mistaken suspicion that they too were motivated by fear of the Canaanites, when in fact they were not fearful at all: They were able, ready and planning to lead the battle against the Canaanites.
This issue of misunderstanding arises again when, after the actual conquest, the tribes of Reuvein and Gad return to the eastern bank and build a prominent altar near the river border, raising suspicions in Yehoshua and the Jewish people that they were building their own Temple on the east bank (see Yehoshua 22). These suspicions moved the leadership to send a fighting force led by Pinchas that confronted them, to which they responded, “God knows and the Jewish people must know’’ that— the altar was not built as an act of rebellion or secession but rather as a monument to their connection with their brethren and to the altar on the west side of the river. Once again, their actions were almost catastrophically misunderstood by other people.
While our Sages (Avos 1:6) instruct the observer to give the other the benefit of the doubt, based on these stories, they also place the onus on the actor to behave in a way that does not even generate potential misunderstanding (see Yerushalmi Shekalim 3:2). And while this may appear abstract, one last look at this story can bring it very directly home.
When the initial proposal was made to stay on the eastern bank, troubling language was used (Bamidbar 32:16): “We will build corrals for our sheep and cities for our children.” Our Sages took them to task for this, noting how they had apparently prioritized their material goods over their families. The Midrash (Yalkut Shimoni Matos) traces this emphasis on materialism to a story that Reuvein had witnessed as a child. When Reuvein brought flowers to his mother Leah, they were obtained by Rachel in exchange for her giving away the opportunity to be with Yaakov an additional night (Bereishis 30:14). To this innocent child, what he thought he saw was Rachel valuing material goods over family. This perception, suggests the Midrash, led to his descendants’ eventual misplaced priorities.
Clearly, we are always being watched, and everything we do is learned from by others. It is worth our realizing this, making sure that “we find favor and good understanding in the eyes of both God and man,”— “V’nimtzah chein v’sechel tov b’einei Elokim v’adam” (Mishlei 3:4; Birkat Hamazon).
Rabbi Moshe Hauer is executive vice president of the Orthodox Union (OU), the nation’s largest Orthodox Jewish umbrella organization.
