The stock market is fluctuation, an exclamation mark is punctuation, an indirect suggestion is insinuation and the month of June is graduation. In these precious weeks of caps and gowns, we celebrate the accomplishments of our students, those who have completed middle or high school and are ready to ascend to life’s next phase. (Yes, caps and gowns also could describe the upcoming weddings of any of the newest Stanley Cup champions.)

Graduation is a remarkable milestone for all students, not just for valedictorians and salutatorians. (Yes, those graduating at the top of the class of an opera school are stentorian valedictorians and those graduating at the top of gladiator school are praetorian valedictorians.) Every student should be honored for their achievements, inside and outside of the classroom, unless their only achievement is detention. (Detention certainly is better than retention, i.e., returning to the same grade the following year and then, like in a grueling dance rehearsal, being told to “take it from the top.”)

While graduation is principally about the students, often lost in the shuffle is the fact that the students are not the only ones transitioning. As each graduate shifts their dangling tassel from right to left, they also metaphorically shift from being more to less dependent on their families, leaving their proud but overly-doting parents in a state of confused joy and panic. Many parents dedicate so much time and energy to their kids that they know not what to do with themselves when their baby birds have spread their wings and flown the coop. (Yes, if you are driving in and then abruptly exit a classic Cadillac, then you too have flown the coupe… de ville.)

The Talmud does not specifically discuss graduation or the changing parent/child post-graduation dynamic. The Talmud, however, does offer plenty of parenting advice. For example:

(i) “A person should never distinguish one of his sons from among the other sons by giving him preferential treatment” (Shabbat 10b);

(ii) “A person should not say to a child: I will give you something, and then not give it to him, because he thereby comes to teach him about lying.” (Sukkah 46b);

(iii) “A person [including a parent] should always be soft like a reed, and he should not be stiff [inflexible] like a cedar [tree]” (Taanit 20a);

(iv) “[T]he speech of a child in the marketplace is learned either from that of his father or from that of his mother” (Sukkah 56b); and

(v) “A father is obligated with regard to his son to circumcise him, and to redeem him if he is a firstborn son who must be redeemed… and to teach him Torah, and to marry him to a woman, and to teach him a trade” (Kiddushin 29a).

Even though a parent never really stops being a parent, with graduation arguably comes a cessation of at least some parental responsibilities. For instance:

(1) no more strategically setting up playdates like a crafty politician setting up campaign events;

(2) no more rigging little league teams with ringers so that your child easily wins every championship without ever making a meaningful contribution;

(3) no more hunting for the perfect carpool of helicopter parents who so enjoy drop-off and pick-up that you barely need to take a shift;

(4) no more attending parent-teacher conferences and accidentally over-staying each 10-minute session as the parents on whose time you are encroaching hover over you with dwindling patience and icy stares;

(5) no more reviewing your child’s report card and wondering how much better it would be if cell-phones and social media were abolished;

(6) no more wondering why you spent colossal cash on months of bar mitzvah lessons when your ever-distracted and disinterested son ultimately pulled an all-nighter and wound up doing a perfectly fine job;

(7) no more lazily preparing brown-bag lunches with shabbos leftovers;

(8) no more camp visiting days when your children ask only two questions: what food did you bring and when are you leaving?

(9) no more giving your children laborious chores all around the house to teach them the value of hard-work… and the benefits of having kids; and

(10) no more checking to see if your children are behaving in junior or teen congregation. Instead, you must check to see if they are behaving in adult congregation.

Final thought: It is a tremendous achievement to graduate magna or summa cum laude. But if you are graduating choir or oration school, then it is better to graduate sing it or shout it out laude.

By Jon Kranz