More than 50 people gathered in person and via Zoom at Highland Park’s Congregation Etz Ahaim on Saturday evening, December 2, as Orthodox Forum of Highland Park/Edison presented Rabbi Maury Kelman speaking about the process of conversion to Judaism and why people choose to do so.
The topic was particularly timely and covered some of the changing dynamics involved in conversion. Stories on the internet (Ynetnews.com and other sources) tell of Israeli soldiers seeking to hasten completion of their conversions after October 7: Should they (God forbid) die in battle, they wish to die as Jews.
Rabbi Kelman is the rabbi of Congregation Agudath Achim of Bradley Beach, New Jersey and has overseen the congregation’s growth from a “summer shul” to a viable year-round synagogue. He is also the founder and director of Route 613, a halachic conversion program, and founder and chairman of Kedma, a Jewish student organization in Israel and the United States.
After a welcome by Mark Abraham, chairperson of the Orthodox Forum, an introduction by Larry Fineberg and the saying of Tehillim in acknowledgement of the situation in Israel, Rabbi Kelman began by referencing the topic of conversion in that week’s parsha, Vayishlach, and the Gemara’s discussion of our forefathers lack of acceptance the conversion of Timna, and all that is said may have followed regarding his son Amalek.
Rabbi Kelman noted that once a conversion takes place, it is improper to call that person a convert as they are now as Jewish as anyone else. He noted that there are difficulties and hardships “new Jews” might face, such as interactions and holidays with non-Jewish family members. Once converted, the person is considered a “new person” not connected to their previous family. But they are still required to honor the parents who gave birth to them. “Not everyone who begins the conversion process stays in it through completion,” he said. There are famous people who appear to have converted for marriage, but the person is still Jewish even if it is found out later that there was a reason for the conversion. “There are invalid reasons for conversion, such as the Seinfeld episode where a comedian wanted to convert so their jokes would be funnier.”
Approximately 30-40% of people who convert do so because they are in a relationship. Those relationships are often with formerly Orthodox or Chasidic people who discovered that having their family and children be Jewish was more important to them than they had expected. The overall motivation and common denominator is that the potential convert loves Judaism. Sometimes those relationships dissolve, but the convert continues with their Judaism. “We should not disparage the convert—it is lashon hara,” Rabbi Kelman admonished.
While there are countless reasons why people convert, the main ones are because they want to be part of the lifestyle, because they were formerly religious in other faiths but are now drawn to Judaism, or because they want to upgrade a less-stringent conversion to an Orthodox one.
There are different approaches to the conversion of a child adopted by a non-observant couple. Some say it is fine as long as the parents are halachically Jewish, while the RCA requires that the family observe the Sabbath and the laws of kashrut, and provide the child with a Jewish education.
A child does not have the mental capacity to accept Judaism, so a second conversion would need to take place at the time of bar/bat mitzvah where the youth accepts mitzvot. Exactly what “accepting mitzvot” means has become more stringent over time, particularly in Israel. “The key is not to have a repeat of the rejection of Timna,” said Rabbi Kelman.
Rabbi Kelman then introduced a special guest, Sam Herreid, who is in the process of converting to Judaism. Speaking about his experiences, Herreid noted that he didn’t see any conflicts between Judaism and his profession studying glaciers, but saw more difficulties incorporating Judaism into his hobby of running in races of greater than 100 miles, as the races often take place on Shabbat. He grew up in Alaska and began his Jewish journey when he picked up a book on Reform conversion. “The book said I would need another book if I wanted to know about Orthodox conversions, so I found one. The first time I entered an Orthodox shul, I knew it was the right thing to do.”
Growing up with an atheist father and a nominally Catholic mother, Herreid was attracted to the “authenticity” of Judaism. He continued his formal education all over the world and continued his Jewish studies wherever he was. His field of work is very narrow and it was fortunate that his career took him to Bradley Beach. He initially had no idea the local rabbi was involved with conversions, but it was an incredible coincidence. “It is humbling that I have a PhD, and yet there is so much about Judaism I don’t know,” Herreid said. “There are things an average 5-year old would know, and I have no idea.”
Audience members had many reasons to attend. Spencer Rockman of Edison had spent summers in Bradley Beach and wanted to support his “landsman” and hear his talk. Marsha Levinson had planned on coming to the presentation, but found the topic even more compelling after discovering that one of her Shabbat dinner guests was the daughter of a convert. Janet Rivenson of Edison, a parent of two adopted children, added her experiences in the Q&A section of the program. She agreed strongly with the takeaway message of the evening: What matters is who the Jewish person is on the inside, not what they look like on the outside. We should treat everyone, especially those in the conversion process, with empathy.
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