This week, I am going to be writing about and delving into a very sensitive subject. Some of you are too old for this; some of you have yet to begin on this journey. The rest of us are involved in different aspects of this topic. So without further babbling, I would like to discuss the issue of carpooling (insert dramatic music here). Carpooling is tricky. Friendships have ended, wars have begun, countries divided; you must always tread carefully. Having said this, I will not discuss my carpool issues because, well, I currently have none (yes, I have a carpool; no, we don’t have any issues…for now, just kidding!), but I will be discussing some of the nuances that come along with the whole carpool experience.
Almost 17 years ago my then-family of four moved into our home. Sleep was not so high up on the list of things my boys did at the time. It usually would be a 4 a.m. feeding, followed by an hour of play time, and then we would all crash hard for a good nap. But every morning I would awaken to the sound of a honking coming from across the street. Every. Single. Morning. On one particular morning I looked out my window and saw a black Volvo station wagon honking its horn in front of my across-the-street neighbor’s house. Out would toddle her little boy and into the station wagon he went. Thus began my introduction to the carpool honk.
The carpool honk is a tricky thing. One of my friends discovered that according to Teaneck law (and I am probably paraphrasing here) you are not allowed to honk in front of someone’s home, but you are allowed to honk in the driveway of that person’s home. What’s the difference? Well, I am assuming that means that your irritated cranky neighbor can keep calling the police to give all of your carpool buddies summonses every time they arrive to pick up your child, unless, of course, they pull into your driveway to honk. Nice and neighborly.
Then there are the obnoxious honkers, the ones that have to honk three or four times. In one of my previous carpools, years ago, we referred to this driver as the “happy honker.” It became a goal of my child to run out to the car before the second and third honk; it was actually quite motivating to get him out of the house. There seem to be many “happy honkers” because you can hear them from blocks away.
The good thing about living on my block is that there are lots of kids. The bad thing is that, with lots of kids, come lots of different carpools. In a four-minute span of time, we can hear three different honks and none of them are for my kid. But, you don’t know that, so you develop a twitch of running to the window to see if the honker is honking for you. Good exercise, yes. Annoying? Also yes. But it keeps us on our toes for when the honk is actually for us.
Then there is the honking etiquette within your own carpool. You pull up and honk twice. No one comes to the car. The house door remains closed. The newspaper is still on the driveway. Hmm, what to do, what to do? Wait a full minute and then honk again. Two things then happen. You either get the “wave,” which is the hand magically appearing from the door waving you to drive away because there is no way this kid is even up yet or you get a bedraggled teenager, shirt half-buttoned, coat dragging on the floor, heading to the car.
Okay, this happens in my carpool. But, my carpool boys have been asking me to write about them for two years. I will not mention their names, even though they want me to, but what I find amazing about my carpool is that no one speaks. Does this happen with all girl carpools? If I didn’t know better, I would think the first boy I pick up, though extremely adorable, is in a coma. Not one word leaves that boy’s mouth. If I am lucky, I get a nod. Pick up #2 is the one that comes to the car half-dressed. Pick up #3 always has a smile and says hello and pick up #4 usually says, “I am not coming home in the carpool today.” As for my son, depending on the day, it is either “Stop talking,” “You are so annoying,” or “You are the best mom ever.” No, I am lying, he never says that to me in the car, but I am hopeful.
In any event, back to the honking, it is annoying for the neighbors, for sure. You have to be lucky to either have neighbors who are in the same boat as you are or have neighbors who are older and can’t really hear so well. I just feel that when the honking in the morning stops, it means the kids have finally put me in the nursing home that they have been threatening me with. So, for all of the bah humbugs out there, just be patient and know that the only people who want to stop the honking more than you do are those of us that are doing it!
Banji Ganchrow is a self-proclaimed writer who is looking forward to forming son #3’s TABC carpool for next year. She is also hoping that son #2 miraculously gets his own car and that son #1 will decide not to stay a second year in Israel. She could go on, but what’s the point…
By Banji Latkin Ganchrow
