After dealing with the laws of the Yom Kippur Service in the Beit Hamikdash, the pasuk concludes with the words “This shall be to you an eternal decree to bring atonement upon Bnei Yisrael for all their sins once each year; and he [Aharon] did as Hashem commanded Moshe.” (Vayikra 16:34). On the last part of the above-quoted pasuk, “And he [Aharon] did all that Hashem had spoken to Moshe,” Rashi, quoting the Torat Kohanim, states: “This tell us of the praise of Aharon in that when he wore the special garments [of the High Priest on Yom Kippur], he did not do it for his own self-aggrandisement but rather as one who is fulfilling the King’s decree. Rashi seems to indicate that there seems to have been some potential, some “hava amina,” that Aharon’s intentions when donning these clothings would be infiltrated to some degree by thoughts of honor and haughtiness. Thus, the pasuk needs to “go out of its way” to testify that this wasn’t the case with Aharon: he was not thinking of personal pride but did it strictly to fulfill the decree of Hashem.
Rabbi Frand brings Rav Simcha Zissel Broide, who asks: The Gemara in Berachot speaks of Rabbi Chanina ben Dosa, who when he prayed was so focused that he did not even notice when an arod (a serpent-like animal with a very painful bite) bit him while he was davening; so intense was his kavana. Rav Simcha Zissel asks: Is it possible to think that Aharon the kohen gadol would have less kavana than Rabbi Chanina ben Dosa? Why then is the Torat Kohanim afraid his mind might wander and have thoughts of personal pride when wearing the “special garments”? Surely his concentration would not allow him to deviate for one moment from his kavana! Rav Simcha Zissel explains that there is a difference between the two situations: in Rabbi Chanina ben Dosa’s situation, his distraction was one that involved a physical test (getting bitten), whereas the situation of Aharon was a distraction that involved an emotional/psychological test (feeling haughty). Says Rav Simcha Zissel: it is easier not to be affected by physical pain than it is to be not affected by such things as pride and haughtiness!
The inference from Rav Simcha Zissel’s idea is that it’s harder to deal with a test involving one’s ego than a test involving one’s body. What this means is that a person has an easier time handling physical pain than he or she does handling emotional pain. A blow to one’s esteem is much more painful than a hit to one’s body. A punch to the arm hurts and goes away, but a punch to the heart stays. This works on the flip side as well. Showering a person with materialistic entities make a person feel good, but lavishing one with praise, compliments and encouragement cause a much deeper-seated satisfaction and happiness.
I saw a remarkable story from R’ Mordechai Kamenetzky that highlights the importance of “stroking” the ego of another person: The parents of a significantly cognitively delayed child entered the study of R’ Shlomo Auerbach. They decided to place their child in a special school in which he would live; the question was which one. “Have you asked the boy where he’d like to go?” asked the sage. The parents were dumbfounded. “Our child cannot be involved in the process! He hasn’t the capacity to understand,” explained the father. Reb Shlomo Zalman was not moved. “You are sinning against your child. You are removing him from his home, placing him in a foreign environment, and you don’t even consult with the child? He will feel helpless and betrayed; I’d like to talk to him.” The couple quickly went home and brought the boy to the Torah sage. “My name is Shlomo Zalman,” smiled the venerable scholar. “What’s yours?” “Akiva.” “Akiva,” exclaimed Rabbi Auerbach, “I am one of the leading Torah sages in the world and many people discuss their problems with me. Now, I need your help. “You are about to enter a special school, and I need a representative to look after all the religious matters in the school. I would like to give you semicha, making you my official rabbinical representative. You can freely discuss any issue with me whenever you want.” Reb Shlomo Zalman gave the boy a warm handshake and hug. The boy entered the school and flourished. In fact, with the great feeling of responsibility, he rarely wanted to leave the school, even for a weekend; after all, who would take care of any questions that would arise?
Rav Shlomo Zalman’s geniosity of also human behavior and human needs was so sensitive to even a child of that sort. How much more so when it comes to people who are in fully functioning capacity and are more in tuned with their feelings. Sticks and stones don’t always break bones. Harsh words, on the other hand, very easily break hearts. While we must focus on being aware of the dangers of causing emotional pain, we also need to be equally, if not far more, aware of the benefits of uplifting another person’s sense of esteem. This is not always an easy task. We know that these days are days of mourning because the students of Rabbi Akiva perished, and we also know that the reason why they perished is because they weren’t “noheg kavod zeh lazeh” (they didn’t give honor to each other). It doesn’t say they made fun of another or put each other down, but rather that they didn’t give honor to their fellow. They were aware of not causing emotional pain, and I think it’s safe to assume they stayed far away from that. But perhaps they didn’t fully grasp the responsibility to give another person the honor they need: to properly enhance their fellow’s esteem, to make them feel good about themselves, to make them feel like they too are people who need to be recognized with distinction and praised for their accomplishments.
By Binyamin Benji
Binyamin Benji learns in Yeshivas Rabbeinu Yitzchak Elchanan. He holds an MSW and is the author of the weekly Torah Talk in the Sephardic Congregation of Paramus’ newsletter. He can be reached at [email protected].
