Narcissism, otherwise known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), is a personality disorder that affects many people yet is not easily diagnosed since many people visit mental health care providers for other areas in their life, such as depression, impulsivity (i.e., overspending, obsessions), irrational maladaptive coping mechanisms, mood disorders, risk-taking behaviors and anxiety. In the past, these patients could not be placed in the psychotic or the neurotic categories. In addition, many patients with narcissistic traits have been difficult to treat with just typical psychotherapeutic processes, although CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is commonly used (Gildersleeve, 2012).
The most pervasive traits for a narcissist are lack of empathy, a sense of grandiosity, super intelligence and being an absolute know-it-all in all areas, seeking excessive admiration, and promiscuity (since romantic relationships are short-lived or tend to be very unhealthy). The narcissist will go through incredible lengths to feel important, and is very preoccupied with their looks and belongings. The fact that a narcissist hides behind a mask of good, likely acts nicely toward others and seems to have it together are all features that in the end will negatively impact those involved on a personal basis with the narcissist. This good-will turns around into a “witch hunt” if you cross them. Most of the time, narcissists were victims of their own environment with negligent parents who perhaps were too busy to pay close attention to their child, and therefore their child made up a world of their own to feel safe and secure. Developmental trauma is one of the traits they bring to their relationships, seeking to replace their mothers who may have neglected them simply by not being available when they needed them, or they were bullied by others. The narcissist creates their own world that they live in because it hurts them too much to confront their true self. In everyday dealings with people they seem amazing and generous, but this is only so that they can generate a credit of admiration. Narcissists will dismiss you in a split second, and when they do not need you anymore, because you do not serve them the way they want, they will immediately replace you and discard you. The need for control is their lifeline, and if you disagree with them just for an instant you will be dismissed, belittled and ridiculed in front of others without any remorse. Narcissists tend to abuse substances even if they seem to be healthy and obsessed with their health and looks.
The narcissist is hurting at all times—depression and anxiety of being accepted and loved or venerated is a constant on their minds. The low-self esteem and the insecurities they try to hide mortificate them, especially if they are criticized or disapproved of, and they will lash out at the closest person to them with anger, aggression and unforgiveness, and play with your mind, blaming the closest person to them, if you allow them. Narcissists do not have empathy so they do not care if they hurt you, trample you or disrespect you. The DSM-V1 demonstrates that NPD has similar characteristics with other personality disorders such as antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), borderline personality disorder (BPD) and histrionic personality disorder (HPD). Also, bipolar disorder affects 5 to 11 percent of NPDs (Ronningstam & Weinberg, 2013). If you feel that these are traits of your partner, please seek help at your nearest hospital or mental health practitioner in your area. This personality disorder cannot be changed and your life will become disastrous if you allow the NPD to control you and hurt you.
1 American Psychiatric Association (2013).
Personality disorders in Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (Fifth Edition).
Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Publishing, Inc.
By Dr. Darsi Beauchamp
Dr. Beauchamp works at the Neuro-Psychology Practice in Iselin, Morristown and New York City, a comprehensive and preventive center, and is a psychotherapist who uses hypnotherapy, CBT/DBT, biofeedback and neurofeedback for children and adults in her practice. For more information, you can contact her at 973-400-9794. Insurance is accepted.
