Parents consider starting therapy for a number of different reasons. You might be looking into options to help your child or adolescent manage mood challenges like anxiety or depression. Maybe you’re interested in learning new parenting skills to address behavioral challenges and learn how you can best support your child. Or you may just want to make sure they have an additional resource to turn to for emotional support.

Skills-based therapies like cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) can teach you and your child different strategies to help address emotional struggles, improve your relationship and more effectively navigate challenging situations. If you and your child have never been in therapy before, you may not know the best way to approach the idea of starting therapy. To help you navigate that conversation, here are a few key tips to keep in mind.

Explain Therapy and Its Purpose

It’s helpful for children of all ages to understand the purpose of therapy and how it works. Taking the time to explain why therapy is important is a good first step.

Use language that is developmentally appropriate for your child’s age. Younger kids may be receptive to the phrase “feelings doctor.” Older children would benefit from a more in-depth explanation about how a psychologist is someone who has specialized education and training. This is what makes a psychologist someone who can help them overcome challenges they may be having related to school, friendships, family and other areas of their life.

Depending on the reasons you are starting therapy, you might use one of these approaches:

The “Coach” Approach: Let your child know that a therapist is someone who will try to connect with them about their skills. Just like the coach on a sports team, their therapist is there to help them meet their goals. Even though pro athletes are great at what they do, they still have a coach to give them tips and tricks that help them learn how to improve.

Strengths & Weaknesses Approach: Remind your child that everyone is good at different things and invite them to share some of the things they are good at. Then, ask them if they think there are other things that they would like to improve. Remind your child that therapy is a place where they can learn ways to strengthen their areas of weakness.

Review the Therapy Process

It’s a good idea to let your child know what to expect before they attend their first therapy session. Let them know that it will be an opportunity for the therapist to get to know them. Therapists will ask questions to learn more about their hobbies, interests, friends and school. The therapist will want to hear about things that are going well in addition to the areas where they are struggling.

After gathering information, the therapist will use the next session to share what they think is going on, help set goals for therapy and explain how they plan to work together to help achieve these goals. Then, in weekly sessions, the therapist will share different tips, tricks and strategies with your child to help them work toward their therapy goals. They may even provide activities to practice at home, perhaps with a parent, to strengthen those skills.

Be Honest With Your Child

When first starting therapy, it is common for parents to meet with the therapist before the child gets involved. You should be open with your child and make them aware that you had that meeting. Transparency is key— even a lie of omission can make your child feel misled and compromise their trust. As you continue with therapy, you may have additional parent-only meetings with the therapist and you should share this information with your child.

Respect Your Child’s Privacy

It is important to allow your child a sense of privacy in the therapy space. This is particularly true for older children and teens. It’s okay to ask open-ended questions like, “How did you feel about your session today?” but if your child is hesitant to open up, do not pry. Give them space so they feel their privacy is respected. If your child thinks they do not have privacy in this experience, they may be more resistant to engaging in therapy, which will limit its effectiveness. Generally speaking, if your child shares something critical with their therapist, the therapist will update you so you know how best to support your child.

How to Get Started With Therapy

If you and your child are ready to get started with therapy, it’s important to find a therapist who is the right fit. A good therapist will be able to support you and your child, helping you work together to meet your shared goals. Searching for a psychologist who specializes in working with children can be a helpful starting point. A child psychologist who is trained in CBT can teach your child different skills to help manage behaviors and emotions, and help you learn strategies to effectively support them.

Meir Flancbaum, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist and director of the Center for Cognitive Behavior Therapy in East Brunswick, a specialty practice that provides in-person and telehealth therapy, school consultations and professional development workshops focusing on the evaluation and treatment of children and adolescents with a variety of social, emotional and behavioral difficulties. In addition to his clinical practice, Dr. Flancbaum is a clinical assistant professor and coordinator of CBT Training for the Child Psychiatry Fellows at Rutgers Robert Wood Johnson Medical School, where he has received several teaching awards. Dr. Flancbaum can be reached at [email protected] and www.CenterForCBT.org.