(Courtesy of Tomchei Shabbos of Bergen County) Rivka (not her real name) is a mother and wife living in Bergen County. She reluctantly joined Tomchei Shabbos several years ago despite her feeling that she did not want to be a burden to the community, concern that she was taking food away from someone else in need, and feeling that getting a bit of food would not have a big impact and not be worth it. After just a few months on the program, she was blown away by the ripple effect caused by Tomchei Shabbos.
In her own words, “It’s truly lifesaving. I can’t imagine how we would be able to pay for the groceries, the regular utility bills, tuition, medical expenses, etc. if not for the weekly groceries…We would be falling more and more behind on our tuition, credit card debt.. It’s scary to think about.” The food was more plentiful than she thought, and not having to worry about the food freed her to shift emotional and practical focus in her life; because there was less tension, her kids were happier and more relaxed, not just from having food on the table but from having a more relaxed mother with less stress. The dynamics in their life and their house changed.
Sara Walzman and Sara Zilberstein, co-directors of Tomchei Shabbos, shared the goal of Tomchei Shabbos. Walzman says, “We aim to improve the lives of our community members; by alleviating their food insecurity we hope to relieve them of other stressors so that they can focus on their family, their job, and on what’s important to them.”
Tomchei achieves this goal by avoiding a one-size-fits-all approach. “We approach each applicant as their own entity. Each recipient fills out a form so that we know what they do and don’t eat. Our food is all top quality, fresh and purchased directly from vendors. Each box is customized weekly so that no family receives food that they don’t want or like. Recipients appreciate that they can make Shabbos according to their usual customs,” says Zilberstein. Furthermore, each recipient chooses together with Tomchei how they will receive their box. With the goal of ensuring the recipients’ kavod and anonymity, recipients may choose from having their box delivered, picking it up, or involving a third party or a voucher program. “We vet all of our drivers as to their community affiliations so that no one ends up delivering to a friend or neighbor or classmate,” says Walzman.
Treating its recipients with dignity and maintaining their anonymity are paramount to Tomchei. The application process is discrete and does not necessarily require any paperwork. The simplest method of application is a referral from a rabbi, social worker or community leader who can attest to the financial situation. In this instance, no follow-up paperwork is required. Communication with recipients after they join the program is on the recipient’s own terms and per their comfort level—be it via text, anonymous email, or phone. None of the weekly warehouse volunteers know the identities of the recipients. Boxes are identified by anonymous codes. “There has been concern about addresses written on the boxes in the warehouse. This is a necessity performed by Tomchei Shabbos organizations around the country to ensure that people receive the correct box. In cases where a recipient expresses concern over these, we work with them to conceal their true address,” says Zilberstein.
Walzman notes, “We occasionally hear recipients say that they don’t want to accept something from us because they are concerned that they are then taking it away from someone else. That is absolutely never the case. We provide for every single person who joins our program and have never had to take away from one family in order to stretch the budget.”
Walzman and Zilberstein recognize that joining Tomchei is a difficult step. “We urge you to do this not just for yourselves, but for your kids and families. Even if you feel that you can make do without Tomchei, you owe it to yourself and to your family to alleviate your stress level and help empower you to direct your energy to the things that matter,” says Zilberstein. With Pesach approaching, Walzman and Zilberstein encourage anyone feeling tight to please reach out. Joining for Pesach only is a common option and the Pesach box includes over 90 items for the entire week of Pesach.
To learn more about Tomchei please visit www.tomcheishabbosofbergencounty.org, or to apply please email [email protected].
