Every so often something shows up on my Facebook news feed that completely grabs my attention. I soon find out, because of the “thread” that follows, that it is a subject that hits home for many people. For those of you who know nothing about Facebook, the news feeds are the posts that my “friends” write about or share; they could be their own thoughts, articles they have stumbled upon, etc. The thread is then the conversations that follow; these conversations are from different “friends” that the “poster” has. Sometimes you know these people, sometimes you do not. This is what makes it so interesting, folks from all walks of life, religious backgrounds, and the like all voicing their opinions.
In the past, I have gotten involved with more serious threads, like the ones about Israel, elections, or certain rabbis (not mentioning any names, but I am a huge supporter of the unnamed rabbi). Sometimes the comments get so heated that friendships (both real and Facebook) are ended, with no love lost. Sometimes you just stay friends with these people to see what further stupidity there is in store.
In any event, this is the most recent article that caught my eye: “Humiliating Your Man: Funny, But Not a Great Idea,” by Ashley McGuire, an opinion piece found on NYPost.com. Though there are some readers who enjoy when I write about my spouse, and actually complain when I don’t, many people give me a hard time about referring to husband #1 as, well, husband #1—especially when they found out that I was being sarcastic and not saying he was the #1 husband in the world. (Quick story: Someone commented to a friend how nice it is that husband #1 and husband #2 get along so well and he had to burst their bubble by informing them that there is only a husband #1.) Anyway, back to the oh-so-important issue at hand. How could I do that to him? Why am I always complaining? Doesn’t it upset him? When is he going to have a turn to get back at me? (Hey people, you can’t get revenge on perfection.) And my personal favorite, “He is such a nice guy!” (Not arguing with anyone on that point but have offered to have any of these people come live with him for a week and then have them write an article.)
This article by Ms. McGuire was based on two celebrities, neither of whom I (old lady stuck in the 80s) had heard of. Kristin Cavallari (star of two reality shows that I have never seen) and Jay Cutler, who is a quarterback for the Chicago Bears (a team I never watch, sorry owners of Bubba, the blow-up football player that shows up on my round-the-block neighbor’s lawn whenever the Bears play…and usually lose). The gorgeous, over-paid actress was complaining that she had to go on a two-day trip and left her good-looking, over-paid athlete husband to take care of their kids, and he failed miserably. She was quoted as saying that they don’t have “a thousand nannies” and after leaving said husband with the kids, she hopes he appreciates her more because he failed at his task as child caretaker. Apparently, this was embarrassing to the husband and many people were taking fault with her for publicly criticizing her man on social media (I think it started on Instagram, but I couldn’t even explain Instagram to you because I don’t understand it).
After blowing my nose from all of the sobbing I was doing thinking about what this poor, poor woman had to endure, I began reading the comments that were popping up about this particularly heart-wrenching article. The women totally got it. Sometimes we might mock our spouse to cover up things that are really going on but we do not talk about. The women were agreeing that sometimes men have trouble being the primary caregivers, especially when it isn’t a role they are used to. The men, as usual, were coming from a different planet. The “how dare she humiliate her husband and father of her children like that; why don’t they just get divorced?” Yes, men and women really are from different planets.
Husband #1 is a great dad. He will always be dad of the year to our boys. Look at that, I said something nice about him! No sarcasm! No humiliation! He is better at something than a quarterback for an NFL team…who knew? But to my readers, there is little chance of husband #1 writing a statement contradicting my accusations against him in other regards. I might not look like Kristin Cavallari, but I iron one mean shirt! So he remains husband #1, for now, and enjoys all of the perks that come with it…
Banji Ganchrow is the author of the controversial article, “Marriage: The Final Solution,” published in the Stern College paper, The Observer, in the spring of 1992. It still remains timely to this day.
By Banji Latkin Ganchrow
