The High Holidays are upon us. A time of reflection, a time of trepidation when thinking about the future and how we are seen in the eyes of the ultimate judge. What is a cynical, sarcastic and negative person supposed to do? Well, they see that one of their favorite rabbis, and former high school friend of their brother, is speaking at a local synagogue. They see that the topic this rabbi is speaking about is “Disagreeing Agreeably: A Jewish Tradition of Civility.”
This topic strikes a nerve with this person because she has a hard time agreeing with people because they are always wrong and she is always right, so off to hear this rabbi she goes, to set her mind straight and prepare for the most solemn time of year. “Let’s get a fresh perspective,” she thinks. “Let’s turn over a new leaf and learn some ways to get along better with people.” And now I would like to share with you what I learned. Oh, yes, I am the cynical, sarcastic and negative person I was referring to. Hard to believe.
I enjoy going to classes like this one because if there is a whole lecture based on this particular topic, it must mean that I am not the only person who struggles with civility. I am not the only person who has issues with others and, more specifically, how others treat me. I learned that, according to R’ Yechiel Yaakov Weinberg (hey, son #2, I am quoting a scholar), tolerance isn’t good enough, we need to love people. I took this very personally. Yes, I tolerate people because they are usually annoying me, but this rabbi is saying that I should love everyone. Argg, why do I always have to be the better person? Why can’t the people who have wronged me be the ones to be the better people? I don’t like being the better person.
This lecture was teaching me that, no matter how I feel or how I have been hurt, I am supposed to forgive and move on. I am supposed to look for the good and overlook the bad.
Maybe that wasn’t what this class was about. It was really about what happens when you have a congregation that has opposing views on an election. When Republicans make the Democrats feel bad and vice versa. That a congregation should be unified, but allow for different views. That husband #1 shouldn’t have me unfriend people on Facebook who are ardent supporters of someone he doesn’t support. As I am writing this, the debate is on in the other room and I hear him yelling, “Unfriend, unfriend, unfriend.” Hmm, I don’t think this is what the rabbi had in mind. I think the rabbi was saying that we should respectfully allow others to express their views, even if they are totally ludicrous and that we should still love them.
It is hard trying to be a good person. At last year’s March of the Living, Rabbi Lau said, “We always knew how to die together. The time has come for us to know also how to live together.” Rabbi Lau, I respect you, I hear your words and I want them to come to fruition. I want to repair relationships with people who have hurt me. I want to love family members who clearly despise me. I want everyone to support husband #1’s candidate so I don’t have to unfriend 30 percent of my Facebook friends. This is where the importance of this time of year comes to play. The time of forgiveness, of teshuvah, of moving forward. I guess if it was easy, everyone would do it.
May we be granted the strength to be better people and may we all be written in the Book of Life. Happy 5777…
Banji Ganchrow hopes that this upcoming year is filled with good health, good friends and good column material….and a little good luck never hurt anyone!
By Banji Latkin Ganchrow
