When was the last time you stopped to smell the roses, the coffee aroma, or whatever tickles your fancy and pleases your senses?
A few months ago, shortly before a holiday, needing to escape the confines of a steamy kitchen after several hours of cooking, I dropped the spatula in the sink and headed straight to the nail salon, thinking that it would be empty considering the lateness of the day. Surprisingly, it was packed with like-minded women who were happily settled into the sudsy, creamy world of manicures and pedicures.
On that particular day, going to the nail salon was about a need to lose the pots and pans and greasy kitchen smells, and head toward a relaxation zone. Certainly, I enjoy the shiny lacquered look of freshly polished nails, but more importantly it’s about the pampering of hand and foot massages that really hits it. Sitting in that chair, while my nails are being buffed, polished, and trimmed, my muscles slowly unclench and gradually, the multitasking layers peel away and I’m just focusing on one task: me time.
For relaxation to truly kick in, however, those multitasking inner voices that threaten to “guilt me” for taking this time must be shushed. And they say all kinds of whiny pesky things like: Do you realize you left a sink full of dirty dishes? Maybe instead of sitting, you should be cooking for Shabbat? Oh No! What about those shoes you didn’t return to Nordstrom yet—where’s that receipt anyway? What are you doing wasting precious time?
Maria, my manicurist of choice, fortunately, has little interest in engaging me in any small talk and doesn’t ask the typical polite get-to-know-you questions, for which I am grateful. She’s totally committed to the shape of my nails and cuticles, and the state of affairs of my hands and feet—without prompting Maria knows to push my cuticles back instead of cutting, and to file square nails instead of pointy—that’s all she cares about. With that calm attitude as a lead, much of the tension, problems of the day, and unsettled questions, seemingly roll off my shoulders and dissolve into another space for just a little while.
Some of my busy multitasking friends, all adept jugglers of family, work, and community obligations, also weighed in on this issue and shared how they spend their me time.
Shari, Director of E-commerce, said, “Me time is a funny thing for me, because even while it is happening, I am thinking about where I need to be next! I miss having the flexibility to walk aimlessly, browse without an objective or need, have a second cup of coffee (or margarita!) with a friend. There’s something nice about passing a store and trying on a pair of shoes—just to see. I’m a highly programmed individual! But I do remember when I did have all the time in the world; I was filling time until I found my anchor.”
Linda, a preschool teacher and mother of four sons, shared her thoughts. “I spend any few precious minutes I have in quiet and solitude recharging my batteries by walking, reading an engrossing novel, or doing a needlepoint. I always make sure that I have both a novel at hand and a needlepoint project to work on.”
Linda also spoke about the guilt that sometimes follows. “I rationalize it by telling myself that it’s like when you’re on the airplane and the stewardess tells you to put on your face mask first or you will be of no use to your kids or others.”
Lately, instead of catching up with friends over a meal or snack—as it seems we’re all fighting the never ending calorie battle—I plan “walk dates,” weather permitting. It’s challenging during the winter months, and that’s why I just joined a local gym where I can take classes in pilates, yoga, and whatever else fits into my schedule. Truthfully, since I’m a bit rusty (that’s putting it mildly) and have a tricky knee and back, the plan is to begin slowly at the back of the room, and work my way up (that’s being optimistic!).
Finally, Sharon, a nutritionist said, “Some of my most precious free time is when I am in class with the same women each week—whether it’s my Tuesday night shiur with women ranging in age from 20’s to 80’s or whether it’s in my yoga class with women who also vary in age and background. There’s nothing like doing something constructive and meaningful with other people who value the same thing; it feels so familiar and safe.”
Whatever activities we choose: exercise, massages, connecting with a friend, reading a great book, taking a class, buying new makeup, manicures/pedicures, it’s important to have that space and place for me time. If we don’t recharge our batteries, the car just won’t run.
Perhaps the best message we can all hang onto and embed into our daily consciousness is from Pirkei Avot, Ethics of our Fathers—Im ain ani li mi li? If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
Esther Kook is a Teaneck resident. She’s a teacher and a freelance writer.
By Esther Kook
