The light fixture hanging in our kitchen when we first moved onto 3 Landau Lane was ancient. In fact, I think it was there before Edison discovered the light bulb. The first time one of the bulbs went out I climbed up to see how much wattage the replacement bulb would need. I quickly realized that the wattage was the least of my concerns. The bulb itself looked like a miniature alien with a helmet on top and two little prongs sticking out, poised to attack. Where was I going to find this type of bulb? After searching in vain in a few stores, I searched online and was delighted to find that line of bulbs there. By now more of the kitchen bulbs had burnt out and it was becoming increasingly darker in our kitchen.
I ordered a few different sizes of the strange looking bulbs. When they finally arrived, I excitedly announced to my family that we would once again be able to see what we were eating for dinner. I plugged the bulbs in and turned the light on. There was a sudden spark and then the room went dark. The only good thing was that when Hurricane Sandy knocked out our power on Monday evening, Oct. 30, 2012 while we were in the middle of supper, we hardly noticed that we had lost power.
The moral of the story is that light fixtures will only illuminate if the correct type of bulb and wattage is inserted. Anything else and the greatest light fixture in the world will be futile.
Melachim II, Chapter 4, relates the story of the barren Shunamite woman who was promised a child by Elisha Hanavi. Indeed, she had a child, but a few years later he suddenly died. When Elisha was informed about what occurred, he rushed to the child’s bedside with his assistant Gechazi.
Gechazi immediately “placed his staff upon him” but it had no effect upon the lifeless child. Elisha then proceeded towards the child: “He lay upon the boy, placing his mouth upon his mouth, his eyes upon his eyes, and his palms upon his palms. He stretched himself out over him and warmed the flesh of the boy.”
Rav Meir Shapiro, z”l gleaned from this incident timeless insight into educating and reviving the spirit of a wayward child. Gechazi’s method, utilizing a stick and trying to force compliance, will not be effective in reviving a child’s soul.
Rather, one must utilize the approach of Elisha. First, one must shut the door and close oneself out from everything else. No cell phone or other distractions. Build a connection with the child and demonstrate that you care. “Place your palms upon his palms,” take the child by the hand, hold him and show him that you care about him. “Mouth to mouth” — talk to the child in a way he can understand and relate to. “Eyes on eyes”— try to view things from the child’s perspective.
If one follows this approach, “The flesh of the child will become warm” and the child’s spirit will be invigorated and revitalized.
A light fixture will only give off light if a compatible bulb is inserted. The inner light of any person, especially a child, will only shine if a compatible approach is employed.
I’m happy to report that when we did some work in our kitchen some time later, we replaced the fixture completely. And we lived happily ever after … until a door handle became loose.
Rabbi Dani Staum, LMSW, is a popular speaker and author. He is a rebbe in Heichal HaTorah in Teaneck and an experienced therapist, recently returning to seeing clients in private practice as part of the Rockland CBT group.
