As we move past the chagim and into the winter months, there is comfort in returning to the familiar confines of sefer Bereishit. These are the stories that we started to learn as children; these are the characters that are firmly embedded in our collective imagination. Our Jewish heroes were many things, but what stands out is the way in which they embodied kindness, generosity and compassion.
While we rightly praise and promote those values, there is also a tendency to look at the world through dual spiritual lenses of bein adam laMakom and bein adam lechavero. There is the box for mitzvot that I serve God with, and there is a separate, parallel box for being nice to others.
Perhaps Avraham Avinu can demonstrate a different paradigm, that these two categories of service are quite integrated.
Our parsha begins with Avraham—despite his pain and age—waiting outside his tent in the heat after his brit milah, ready to welcome travelers. God visits him personally to offer comfort, yet when three strangers appear as weary travelers, Avraham sets aside his meeting with God to welcome them. Rashi teaches that this act shows welcoming guests is even more significant than receiving God’s presence.
The Slonimer Rebbe, HaRav Shalom Noach Berezovsky, addresses a natural question: How could Avraham seemingly “disrespect” God by putting Him on hold to attend to strangers? Doesn’t this go against the very purpose of connecting with God? Avraham had been given this fleeting moment of connection, and he asks Hashem to hold on for a few minutes? Lord, your call is very important to us. We will get back to you as soon as we finish taking care of these three strangers that walked in. Does this seem appropriate?
The rebbe explains that Avraham’s action wasn’t disrespectful; rather it was an expression of his deep understanding of what God truly desires: Olam chesed yibaneh—a world built on kindness. Avraham recognized that each person—created in God’s image—is part of a larger family. By helping others, he honored God—bringing our Father in Heaven joy—the same way a parent finds joy in siblings looking out for each other. Avraham’s legacy teaches that kindness and hospitality aren’t separate values from worshiping God; they are central to it. He understood that the essence of our purpose is to love others and help those in need, thereby bringing nachat ruach to God. For Avraham, there wasn’t a conflict between serving God and helping others; these were one and the same.
Our schools serve as bastions of religious inspiration and guidance. There are so many obviously spiritual experiences that we engage in, be it in our tefillah, our limud Torah or in the way we experience the Jewish calendar in a school setting. When we widen the lens in the manner of Avraham, we can remind our students and ourselves that the myriad of opportunities for kindness and generosity are not just chances to be nice people, but to engage in deep and life changing spiritual growth.
I have the privilege of serving as a mentor on YOU Lead—a school leadership development program run by Prizmah. Our cohort recently had the wonderful opportunity to learn with Professor John D’Auria on the topic of adaptive leadership. In his research of schools, he found that there are a core set of fears that prevent students from learning: a fear of making mistakes, a fear of looking like a fool, a fear of having a weakness exposed, a fear of not being liked and a fear of failure. There are also a core set of anxieties that prevent learning in teachers: a fear of making mistakes, a fear that errors will erase prior success, a fear of having a weakness exposed, a fear that asking for assistance will diminish respect, a fear of looking like a novice and a fear of conflict. It is striking how similar these lists are. It turns out that everyone in a school building suffers from insecurities of some type. This presents a wonderful opportunity for leaders to chart a course for psychological safety, to teach, model and reinforce approaches that help students and teachers alike learn and overcome their fears.
One practical application for creating psychological safety comes in the form of how we listen to others. Are we listening to fix a problem or to win a conflict? Or are we listening to truly understand or learn about what the other person is saying? If—as Professor D’Auria described—we can listen “in stereo,” not just trying to hone in on the content that other people are sharing, but also picking up on their body language and emotions, we can then reflect back to them what we heard and what we think they are trying to convey to us. If we can do so, and when asking them how we did, they respond along the lines of, “I couldn’t have said it better myself,” then we have moved the needle in creating an environment of kindness and safety.
Taking this approach is not just an exercise in smart leadership. It is a way to widen our spiritual lens and help our community understand that this, too, is part of the religious service first modeled to us by Avraham Avinu. In this way, we continue to transform our schools, communities and homes into worlds built on chesed—as Hashem intended.
Rabbi Dov Emerson is the associate head of school at Ben Porat Yosef.
