As Jews, we pride ourselves on keeping our Jewish identity alive despite the diaspora. No matter where we were strewn, we kept the central tenets of Judaism. Today, we have settled in major countries and have built communities that are driven to impart the Jewish identity to the next generations. Over the past few decades, the focal point of delivering Jewish identity has shifted from the shul and home to the Jewish school system. As a result of this shift, our investment in our childrens’ education has expanded as well. Jewish schools have taken on more progressive methods of teaching when it comes to how and what to teach as well as the subject matter needed to meet the growing technological and occupational standards. It is fair to say that Jewish children now receive an education that rivals that in public schools and other private schools.

However, as we are all aware, while the method of education is expanding, the number of Jewish students who stay religious post-high school is dropping.

Upon speaking with students of well-known high schools (past and present) in the tri-state area, many shared how the method of teaching Judaic studies does not help them feel close to the text. While there are high schools that are changing their methods to increase their students’ enjoyment and appreciation of their Judaic classes, this may not serve the long-term problem of students going off the derech. The growing issue lies in the idea that people believe that it is the responsibility of the Jewish school system to connect students to their Jewish identity.

I believe that connecting to one’s Jewish identity is fostered by one’s own family and that the responsibility rests in the hands of the parents. While this may seem obvious, due to the structure in which schools are created, parents are dependent on the school system to provide the means for students to connect to their Jewish identity because parents don’t have the time to provide such connection for them.

This dependency has led schools to feel that they should step up and attempt to fill the role the family would have otherwise provided. A breakdown of how this dependency has changed the way schools are formatted can be found in my essay titled, “Broken Gardens, Our School System and Our Children” (accessible through https://brokengardens.medium.com/broken-gardens-12f59cfff5aa).

In sum, we have created a never-ending cycle in which parents are not able to parent their children and schools are required to become the parents.

Psychological studies show that children who spend meaningful time with their parents will grow up better balanced than those children who rarely speak with their parents. This applies to Jewish children who look to their parents for guidance in how to balance their Jewish identity with secularism. By removing this time with parents from them, children are inclined to find new methods of finding this balance, which has led to many leaving Judaism altogether. Therefore, while the school system is a method of assisting this connection, it is the parents who can make the greatest positive impact.

In my essay, I propose a new way of structuring Jewish high schools that would allow parents to parent and schools to teach, but I also think that this issue should be discussed by parents in addition to educators. After speaking with students and educators, I have come to realize that speaking with parents has led to a broader insight into how they view this issue and how they would like to rectify it.

I am setting up a video-parlor meeting for parents of middle/high school students in the tri-state area to discuss this issue. If you would like to join, please email [email protected] for more details.

Sara Aliza Cox is an ex-Passaic native who grew up in the mainstream Orthodox/Modern Orthodox Jewish school system and spent summers, as well as worked, at Chabad, Bais Yaakov and Modern Orthodox day camps. In 2017, she graduated summa cum laude from Montclair State University. Her educational philosophy is influenced by authors Neal Postman, Bryan Caplan, Thomas Sowell, Lenora Chu and Amanda Ripley, to name a few. She hopes to encourage more discussion on the topic of education. She can be reached at [email protected].