Four years ago, the Metropolitan Museum of Art had an exhibition titled “Death Becomes Her: A Century of Mourning Attire.” The exhibit was focused on the 19th century, from the end of Napoleon’s time to World War I, and it included the mourning outfits of Queen Victoria and others. But reviewers of the exhibit noted that arguably the most famous picture of mourning was not there: the image of Jacqueline Kennedy mourning President Jack Kennedy in November 1963. I wasn’t anywhere near alive when this event took place, but even I know the famous image of the first lady’s face completely covered in a black veil.
What the exhibit showed is that specialized outfits for mourning go back very far into the past. And Kennedy’s show of grief fit into a long tradition. Of course it didn’t start with the end of the Napoleonic Wars. The societal push for mourning clothes might have existed since the beginning. For our point of view, it is very clearly cited in the Torah.
Most Jews, and a great many non-Jews, are aware of these laws. The relevant passage is clear: During his time in isolation, the Torah describes a number of practices a metzora is required to perform.
“As for the person with a leprous infection: his clothes shall be rent, his hair shall be disheveled, and he shall wrap (or cover) the upper lip and he shall call out, ‘Unclean! Unclean!’ All the days that the infection is upon him he shall be unclean; he is unclean; he shall dwell in solitude; his dwelling shall be outside the camp.” (13:45-46)
The Torah requires mourners to tear (or “rent”) one’s clothes. Mourners are also required to not cut their hair or shave. From the Met exhibit it is clear that other cultures are very concerned with appearances. Judaism takes the opposite tack. A mourner is very clearly not supposed to be focused on their appearance. The modern interpretation of covering up all mirrors in the house is so that the mourner will not be thinking about their looks instead of their loss (see Hakirah Vol.13, “Covering Mirrors in the Shivah Home” by Zvi Ron).
While these are well known and well understood, the third requirement is much more mysterious. The Torah requires that a mourner puts a covering over his or her lips. From the Torah reading, it is not clear what this covering is made of or even what it is supposed to symbolize.
This is not a one-time mention either. The Torah and Gemara go back to this requirement. In the book of Yechezkel (24:17), Yechezkel is informed about the future death of his wife and is warned not to mourn for her with any of the normal mourning practices including wrapping (covering) the upper lip. The Gemara in Moed Katan 15a understands this practice to be covering one’s heads rather than actually wrapping one’s upper lip. Shmuel (MK 24) further clarifies the matter: “Any covering of the face not after the Ishmaelites manner of covering is not a proper covering.” To which Rabbeinu Chananel (Chananel ben Chushiel, 11th century) explains as “Covering the mustache and beard by his turban or cloak.” The Ritva (Yom Tov ben Avraham Asevilli (1260s-1320s) mentions that several communities in Spain place a cloth on their moustache and beard and do not cover their heads.
This mysterious law has resulted in a split tradition. The Ashkenazic world has for the most part ceased the covering of the lip entirely. It is for this reason that most Ashkenazic Jews (of which I am one) do not see it today. Why do Ashkenazim not follow this law? The Tosafot (12-13th century) lays out the logic: “It is not the practice now to cover one’s head, which would only lead to being laughed at in the manner of the covering of Ishmaelites.” (MK 21a, Eilu). The Tosafot here may be suggesting that we no longer keep this rule not because we need to spare the mourners feelings. Instead, being laughed at would make the mourner focused on his own appearance, something that Jewish law very much wants to avoid for anyone living in a mourning period.
However, it was very much practiced for hundreds of years in the Sephardic world and brought down as an obligation during the seven days of mourning. Rabbi Yosef Caro (16th century) writes (Beit Yosef 386) that he once saw someone who was wrapped up in a manner that covered his mouth and he thought the individual suffered from a pain in the mouth, until he learned that he was a mourner. It is not clear to me if this rule is still being kept at all today. Why did the Sephardim keep this rule as long as they had? Perhaps the more established and longer-lasting Sephardic and Mizrachic communities retained a direct understanding of this law, something that might have been lost in the dispersed and constantly moving Ashkenazic community. It is also likely that being laughed at for clothing in the style of the Ishmael would not be a problem in the Sephardic and Mizrachi worlds. In the Sephardic and Mizrachi world, this normal garb was unlikely to cause the mourner to be self-conscious and be considering their appearance during the critical mourning period.
The practice of mourning in appropriate garb is ingrained in Jewish tradition and law. Unlike in some other cultures, the goals may be different. The little-understand provision of covering your lips may not be followed today, but the law, and later discussions about it, does show the tradition’s focus on not being concerned with appearances.
By Rabbi Marc Spivak
Rabbi Marc Spivak is the spiritual leader of Congregation Ohr Torah in West Orange.
