We hope and expect that our children will carry on our Jewish traditions and values. After spending a small fortune on tuition, summer camps and trips to Israel, we look forward to their continuing our legacy, customs and heritage. Yet, apparently this is not always the case.
When Aaron, the kohen gadol (high priest) prepares to die, he is instructed to climb a mountain with his brother, Moshe, and his eldest son, Elazar. Aaron transfers his special priestly garments, one at a time, to his son, Elazar (Bamidbar 20:25). Rashi explains that Moshe comforted Aaron by telling him how fortunate he was to see that his son would succeed him as kohen gadol and follow in his footsteps. Elazar would continue the chain of tradition. Then Rashi tells us that Moshe adds the words “unlike me and my sons.”
Moshe had two sons, Gershom and Eliezer. We know very little about them other than their names. In fact, when the Torah teases us by stating, “These are the sons of Aaron and Moshe (Bamidbar 3:1)” it only goes on to list Aaron’s four sons. The Talmud in Sanhedrin (19b) explains that when an individual teaches children and acts as a role model, as was the case with Moshe and his nephews, he gets credit as if he raised them himself. Still, the omission of Gershom and Eliezer’s names are noticeable. There is even a mention in Chronicles (Chapter 18) of Moshe’s grandchild becoming an idol-worshiping priest. Apparently, Moshe’s children were not able to take on the mantle of leadership from their father. Instead, they went on to obscurity.
Moshe was not the only famous Torah personality whose children did not live up to their father’s fame and legacies. Avraham took pains to ensure that his son, Yitzchak, would get married to the right sort of woman, Rivka, who would serve as matriarch of the Jewish nation. He also ensured that Yitzchak would continue with his faith and values. “Avraham gave all that he had to Yitzchak” (Bereishit 25:5). He did not necessarily only give him money and material things but he gave his son his highly prized spiritual values as well. He gave his seven other sons, who did not follow in his spiritual footsteps, gifts and sent them far away. King David similarly ensured that his kingdom would not be usurped by his arrogant and ambitious son, Adoniyah. Instead, he made sure that Shlomo, the wise and devoted son, would be the one who succeeded him and carried on his mission.
Dr. Norman Cohen, the author, posits that if Moshe was unable to transfer his values and traditions to his own two sons, we, too, need to think about our relationships with our own children. Will we be able to succeed in transferring our spiritual values to the next generation? Will they embrace what is essentially meaningful to us? What about those children who not only fail to embrace our core values and commitment to Judaism but reject them instead?
I once heard the late Rebbetzin Esther Jungries lecture about the awesome responsibilities that parents have. They have to shape and mold their children to ensure that they follow in their traditions and turn out to be fine human beings. Yet, she noted, the job of being a parent is left to young couples who are inexperienced and are often just starting out with their own lives. Would it not make more sense, she asked, if the grandparents, who were more worldly and had more experience in child rearing, were put in charge of raising these young children instead?
She answered her own question by noting that young couples are actually better suited for the job of child rearing. When a couple first gets married they are filled with feelings of love and enthusiasm for each other. These intense feelings of love keeps them going and motivates them. It is only later as they grow older and more cynical that they sometimes become more weary and disaffected in life. This characteristic of being loving is what qualifies them to be good parents and do the best they can to raise their children with proper values and traditions.
One can only wonder what Moshe must have thought about when his children did not rise to his standards. However, our job as parents is to love our children, serve as role models and do the best we can. The rest is part of the divine plan that we have to pray about and hope that it turns out for the best. May Hashem bless us all with children and grandchildren who follow in our Jewish traditions and maintain the chain of tradition that goes back for thousands of years.
Rabbi Dr. Avi Kuperberg is a forensic, clinical psychologist in private practice. He is president of the Chai Riders Motorcycle Club of NY/NJ. He leads the Summit Avenue Shabbos Gemara shiur and minyan in Fair Lawn, NJ, and is a member of the International Rabbinical Society. He can be reached at [email protected].
