When Robert Fulghum first came out with his book, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten,” I thought it was brilliant. The wisdom that he shared truly resonated with me and I always wondered, if we learn everything in kindergarten, what’s next? The answer is that we never stop learning. Once I became a teacher, I discovered that I was a student of students. Over the past 26 years, I have learned such valuable lessons from my students!
One of the most important lessons that I learned is that as an educator, your students are always watching you. “Do as I say and not as I do” definitely does not work. If you want children to believe that something is valuable, then you need to model that it is important to you too. If it is DEAR time (Drop Everything and Read), then the teacher should also drop everything and read. If the teacher is grading papers or cleaning up when everyone else is reading, he/she is silently sending a message to a class full of impressionable minds that reading is not really important. If you teach your students to work through social conflicts by listening to each other’s side, but then argue with or speak badly about a colleague, then you have just taught your students that conflict resolution is not necessary. If you want your students to be respectful to one another, then you must model that respect. Children see and hear everything! They are often experts at reading body language and tone and know how you are feeling. I used to love when parents shared with me that their child pretended to be me when playing school or used sayings at home that I never realized that I said often enough to make an impression. As an educator you have the responsibility to not just guide your students, but model for them.
Another lesson that has transformed how I respond to situations is the understanding that you must first listen before responding. In my early years as an elementary school teacher, I remember discovering that before I reacted to a situation, I needed to first listen to my students and ask what they thought happened. When I took the time to listen to each side, it was clear that they each reacted to something. Their understanding of the world or interactions with others was colored by their own experiences. In order to be an effective teacher and be able to reach my students, I needed to be able to see the world through their eyes. If students fought, I first asked each child to share what he/she remembered happening before helping them solve the problem. Children (and adults) often react to what they perceive happened. Understanding each person’s perspective is the only way to truly solve any problem.
It is also crucial to make sure that your students understand the message you are transmitting so that you can effectively teach and you are not having parallel conversations or relaying misinformation inadvertently. One year around Shavuot, when I was teaching my first grade class in Manhattan about matan Torah, we got into a very deep and spiritual conversation about Mt. Sinai. We were talking about the idea that we were all there when we received the Torah. The students, one after another, talked about how they were at Mt. Sinai. They remembered traveling there, described the flowers they saw and even talked about other people they saw there. I was so proud that I had inspired them and that they felt as if they were really there, until I realized that they were talking about Mt. Sinai hospital! Your word choice can make all of the difference! Teachers must always think about the impact their words can make. How you explain a math problem, compliment a child’s work or react to an argument or behavior can make such a difference in a child’s life. You can either create a safe environment where children flourish and are willing to take risks, or you can negatively impact a child’s self-esteem and willingness to grow. It is a great responsibility to be a teacher, and every word counts!
Naomi Maron is the general studies principal of Ben Porat Yosef.
