Did you know that next to water, tea is the most widely consumed beverage in the world, and that it can be found in some 80 percent of all households in the United States? It is the only drink commonly served hot or cold, anytime, anywhere and for any occasion. If you are a tea drinker, you know that the steep timing for tea can have an impact on the flavor. If you steep it for a short time. the flavor may be too weak, and if you leave the tea steeping for too long, then the flavor may be bitter. Of course, the desired steep time has a lot to do with the individual drinker of the tea. Based on national statistics, it would seem safe to say that most of the readers of The Jewish Link drink tea, at least once in a while, but probably have not really thought or perhaps cared much about knowing anything concerning tea preparation, other than the awareness that at some point in the preparation combining the tea with boiling water is required.
I love tea. I drink all kinds of tea – green, black and a lot of herbal. For me, one of life’s great pleasures is sitting down at the end of a day with a cup of tea. If you have someone to sit with you and join you in this ritual, then you know what a special treat that can be. In my adult life, I had the great fortune of being able to sit and drink gallons of tea in the company of my wonderful, smart, loving father-in-law, Leo Taubes, z”l. Whenever I made him a cup of tea, he always told me to leave the teabag in the hot water, be patient, and allow the tea to steep, thereby changing plain water into something flavorful – a drink to be sipped, enjoyed and savored. Whenever he visited, it was our nightly ritual: tea, conversation and sometimes just quiet contemplation.
I learned a great deal about life from my father-in-law. The way he made tea was symbolic of the way he led his life, slow and deliberate. If you give something time, the end result may surprise you. We live today in a world where everything happens very fast. It takes just seconds for news, both good and bad, to travel across the globe. If we hear something, have a thought, or develop an idea, we can post it and share it instantly with our friends and family. Amazing! We can communicate quickly and efficiently; if I want to get a message out to my relatives, I simply post something on our family WhatsApp and everyone is informed within moments. Amazing! If I hear about an item which I think I’d like to buy, I simply click on my Amazon app, find the item, add it to my cart, click and within 48 hours the item is at my door. Amazing! If I am interested in exploring any topic, I need merely to enter some basic information into my Google browser and within seconds I can have a vast array of sites to look at. Amazing!
Many things in life, however, even in our technologically advanced society, actually take time; they cannot be rushed. Relationships, for example, take time – often a great deal of time – if they are to be meaningful and lasting; they need to steep. One of the most challenging relationships is that of being an in-law. A young man and young woman meet, date, invest time getting to know each other, fall in love and decide that they would like to spend their lives together. With time, their relationship hopefully will continue to grow and get stronger. Usually, though, each of these individuals have parents, and they each now have a new set of adults in their lives, namely, their spouse’s parents – the people that gave birth to, raised and supported their new partner. The in-law relationship from the very beginning can be a landmine of emotions, as people who don’t know each other are forced into a very intimate relationship with a stranger.
One of the first challenges is about what the new bride and groom should call their respective in-laws. To call them nothing makes it almost impossible to have a close connection, as it is hard to relate to people without being able to call them by name. On the other hand, to call a person whom you don’t really know “mom” or “dad” is difficult. It can also be uncomfortable for the parents of the groom or bride to have a stranger call them mom and dad. But the in-law relationship does not need to be a cause for constant conflict. With time, patience and realistic expectations, strong bonds can often be created and relationships forged that at one point may have seemed unlikely, if not impossible.
In many cases, the more difficult relationship is that between the parents of the groom and the new daughter-in-law. I was blessed to have a father-in-law who was willing to spend the time needed to establish a beautiful relationship. He opened himself up to having this relationship with me and I did the same with regard to him. The closeness we achieved did not develop overnight. It took a number of years, a few grandchildren, and shared happy times and sad ones, but over time I became another child to him, and he became a second father to me. My father-in-law taught me how to be an in-law to my own children’s spouses. The in-law relationship is a two-way street that requires time and patience – you need to let the tea steep.
The same is true for many other areas is our lives, including our health and wellness. Improving an unhealthy, inactive lifestyle takes time. It is human nature to want to instantly undo years of unhealthy living through some kind of quick fix. We are thus drawn to fad diets and ads that promise us amazing results if we use a particular device or exercise equipment for just 10 minutes a day. Wouldn’t it be grand if we could take some magic pill after eating that would somehow allow us to consume as many french fries, hamburgers and deep-fried Oreos as we’d like without gaining weight? But alas, if something sounds too good to be true, you can guarantee that it is. There are no quick fixes. Changing negative health habits for positive ones takes education, work, support, patience – and time.
So enjoy and appreciate the things in your life that happen at lightning speed. But also give yourself the time to allow the relationships in your life to grow and spend the time on yourself which you need in order to live a healthier life. While you are waiting, steep a cup of tea – it will be worth the wait!
By Beth Taubes
Beth Taubes RN, OCN, CBCN, CHC,CYT, is the owner of Wellness Motivations LLC. She motivates clients of all backgrounds, ages and health conditions to engage in improved self-care through nutritional counseling, fitness training, yoga practice and stress reduction techniques. Sign up for the “count up to Shavous challenge”. Gift certificates available. Beth can be reached at [email protected] or wellnessmotivationsbt.com.
