Public Service Announcement from the author: There are real-life issues discussed in this week’s column. It might not be suitable for small children. There is also a very small chance that it will make you laugh. Only, of course, if you have a morbid sense of humor…
Where to begin? Death is the worst. Let’s start there. The fear that comes with dying, with knowing that someone is dying, The fear of the unknown. Whose last day is it? Where do we go when we die? It is all horrible. We are supposed to live life one day at a time, but sometimes, those days feel endless. Filled with sadness, loneliness, hurt or anger. Filled with despair. How do we get through those days? We reach out or close ourselves off. Seeking help should not be a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength: “Please help me.”
The other day, a Facebook friend coined the term “Fakebook.” I had posted about people being honest with what was going on in their lives and not just posting pictures of smiling people out to dinner or on vacation. There is nothing wrong with saying, “Today was a really hard day and I need a friend.” There is nothing wrong with being sad, if you also have the ability to laugh as well. It is when you cannot come out from the cloud that you need to scream for help. That you need to grab a lifeline. The virtual world can be just as helpful as the “actual” world. I have learned, through experience, that, sometimes, Facebook friends can be a lot more supportive than “actual” friends. But you need to do what is best for you.
I have been very open and honest about how the past few months have been trying for me because of family circumstance. However, the past few days have been really, really hard. I lost a friend that I cared for, and I lost people that I never knew, but truly and deeply admired. When husband #1 called to tell me that my friend had died, all I could say was, “Let me go call her.” He kept saying, “Banji, you can’t call her.” How could that be true? How could I not send her a text—how? This friend had taught me and a room full of women about finding our inner peace and our strength. About breathing and being, about giving love and being loved. What do you mean she is gone? How does something like that happen? Tell me how it is possible that someone who was so loved by so many still had the ability to feel so hopeless. It absolutely breaks my heart. And how do we stop that from happening again?
There is no answer. If you are reading this, you might be in a great mood. You might always be in a great mood—and that is fantastic. But, if you are reading this and you can relate, always know where your “emergency exits” are. Who you can call to vent, who you can reach out to. And you should know that, if you know me or not, I am always hear to listen. I mean that, sincerely.
And then the people I didn’t know who passed away. Carrie Fisher was one of my favorite “stars.” She was once quoted as saying, “Resentment (holding a grudge) is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” How perfect is that? You have got to get over it! You know how many times I have said that phrase??? She was a genius and, ironically, a champion of mental illness. She was a voice for those whose voices weren’t strong enough. She was a talented writer, comedian, actress and she was open and honest about how the industry viewed women who weren’t skinny. Her honesty was refreshing and made me feel that it is ok to actually say what you mean and not dance around the truth.
And George Michael? Anyone who is still stuck in the 80s has his soundtrack in their head.
Life is short. How many times do we say that? In the scheme of things, it is really short, but when it comes to the day-to-day struggles, it feels like it can go on forever. But now we have started a new year. 2017. Clean slate, fresh start. My resolution is to have more happy thoughts than sad ones. To start each day with a smile—which, surprisingly, I try to do anyway, and to take things as they come. Each day is a gift; let’s all try to remember that and be good to one another.
Banji apologizes for the depressing column and promises to try and be funny next week.
By Banji Latkin Ganchrow
