When I was in summer camp, I loved buying cans of soda from the vending machine. Sometimes the soda can wouldn’t come out after inserting the dollar, unless you gave the machine a good bang. In my parents’ generation, the same was true with the jukebox machine: a little bang did the trick.

While Klal Yisrael traveled in the desert, their entire water supply came from a rock that traveled with them. After Miriam’s passing, the water stopped and the nation complained. Hashem instructed Moshe and Aharon to assemble everyone and speak to the rock to produce a spring of water. Moshe assembled the nation and said, “Please listen, you rebellious people. Will we draw water from this rock?” He then hit the rock twice and the spring started to flow.

Hashem’s response was jarring. Hashem told Moshe and Aharon, “Because you did not sanctify Me, therefore you and Aharon will not enter Eretz Yisrael.” Why such harsh punishment? Remember, Moshe smashed the Luchos (tablets) and Hashem did not punish him. What was so bad about hitting the rock instead of speaking to it?

Chazal discuss this issue at great length. I would like to present a deep and impactful explanation from Rav Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev.

There is a dispute between Rashi and the Ramban about what exactly was Moshe’s sin. Rashi says it was Moshe hitting the rock as opposed to speaking to it. The Ramban says that the error was calling the nation “you rebellious people.”

What’s the difference between speaking or hitting the rock? When one hits an object, the onlooker relates the result of the action to the person doing the hitting, like when hitting a soda machine or a jukebox that’s “acting stubborn.” When Moshe hit the rock, Bnei Yisrael related the resulting flow of water as deriving from Moshe, not from Hashem. However, by speaking to the rock, the resulting flow of water would have been a clear miracle and the nation would have recognized that Hashem was the One causing the miracle. As a result of Moshe hitting the rock instead of speaking to it, Hashem’s honor was diminished.

Yet, this wasn’t the first time Moshe addressed the rock. At the beginning of Klal Yisrael’s journey in the desert, Hashem instructed Moshe to hit the rock to draw forth water. Moshe did just that. Why should it be different the second time?

Rav Shimshon Pincus explains that the first time was before Hashem gave the Torah. There was a big difference in how Hashem related to the world and to Klal Yisrael before and after Matan Torah. Before Matan Torah, Hashem’s presence in the world was recognized by cause and effect, like hitting the rock to produce water.

Decades ago, teachers and parents used to hit students and children when they didn’t do what was required of them. My friends from the South told me that they were paddled in school.

However, today when we have a relationship with someone, we don’t hit them to obtain cooperation; we speak. At Matan Torah, Klal Yisrael was married to Hashem. Before the wedding, Hashem sometimes related to the world by punitive measures, such as the Great Flood, the destruction of Sedom and the enslavement of Klal Yisrael in Egypt. Therefore, the first time Moshe needed to obtain water from a rock, he was instructed to hit the rock. After Matan Torah, Klal Yisrael had a higher relationship with Hashem and therefore Moshe was instructed to only speak to the rock. With this understanding, water pouring from the rock as a result of hitting the rock was indeed perceived as coming from Hashem, but it indicated a relationship of compulsion. Therefore, Hashem had instructed Moshe to speak to the rock.

Rav Levi Yitzchak says that there are two ways to rebuke someone. One can speak harshly and make them feel bad. Or one can build the person up and tell them how special they are and that certain behavior is not worthy of them. By making them feel good about themselves, they may no longer want to engage in such behavior.

In light of this, the explanations of Rashi and the Ramban are of the same concept. Hitting the rock and labeling the nation as rebellious are both expressions of punitive behavior. Hashem told Moshe, “You did not believe in me to sanctify me in the eyes of the people; you did not make the nation feel they were special!” Speaking to the rock would give them a message of closeness—the way Hashem wanted to relate to Bnei Yisrael.

The message we learn from this episode is how we need to communicate with people when issues arise, especially with our children, family, friends and students. We can be tough, or we can act in a way that obtains the desired result by treating them in a positive manner. Our generation is one that needs that softer touch. It’s always best to treat people with kindness and to gently urge them to be the best that they can be.

Rabbi Baruch Bodenheim is the associate rosh yeshiva of Passaic Torah Institute (PTI)/Yeshiva Ner Boruch. Rabbi Bodenheim can be reached at [email protected]. For more info about PTI and its Torah classes, visit www.pti.shulcloud.com