In this week’s parsha of Chayei Sarah we find that Eliezer, Avraham’s servant, makes a deal with Hashem. If a girl approaches and offers water to both himself and his camels, that will be the sign that she is the right match for Yitzchak (24:12.) Was Eliezer correct in making such a deal? Are we supposed to bargain with God?
There are many examples in the Torah of bargaining with Hashem. In Bereishit 18:22-33, Avraham negotiates with God to spare the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah from destruction. He starts by asking if God would spare the cities if there were righteous people within them, and then he engages in a remarkable negotiation with God, asking Him to spare the cities if even a small number of righteous people can be found. Ultimately, such righteous people could not be found and Sodom is destroyed.
Aside from last week’s example of Avraham bargaining for Sodom, we also note how our forefather, Yakov, fearing for his life as he prepares to meet his estranged brother Esau, prays to God and essentially makes a deal. He asks God to protect him and his family in return for fulfilling his promises (Bereishit 32:7-12.) Moshe bargains for the whole Jewish nation (Shemos 32: 32) after the sin of the Golden Calf. In 1 Samuel chapter 1, Hannah, who is barren, prays to God for a son. She makes a vow that if God grants her a child, she will dedicate him to the service of God. Her prayer is answered, and she fulfills her vow by dedicating her son, Shmuel, to the service of God at the Tabernacle.
These stories demonstrate a variety of interactions with God, from intercession and pleading for mercy to making vows and seeking signs. While they may not all fit the traditional idea of bargaining, they do involve individuals engaging with God in dialogue, making requests, and expressing their commitment to God’s will in different ways. So, when is bargaining acceptable and when is it discouraged?
The Talmud in Taanis (4a) highlights instances where people engaged in what appeared to be thoughtless Divine bargaining. Yiftach promised that if God helped him conquer the Ammonites, he would sacrifice the first thing that came out of his door when he returned home (Shoftim 11:30.) In his case, Hashem let him win the battle but arranged for Yiftach’s daughter to be the first thing that walked out of his door. In Eliezer’s case, the outcome was ultimately favorable, but he might have been “pushing his luck.”
Eliezer’s request was specific: he asked for a girl to approach and offer water to him and his camels. The Talmud raises a valid point, noting that a blind or lame girl could have come forward. It was indeed fortunate that the girl who emerged was Rivka who not only provided water for Eliezer but also for his 10 camels. Keep in mind that a camel can consume up to 30 gallons of water in one go. This means Rivka fetched more than 300 gallons from a well using a simple jug. Rashi even speculates that Rivka might have been as young as 3 years old, while the Sifrei suggests she may have been 14. Eliezer’s astonishment (Genesis 24:21) was entirely understandable given the extraordinary feat. Still, the question remains: was it right to determine the future of the Jewish people based on such an act?
The idea of bargaining with God is not inherently unacceptable. In Malachi 3:10, God invites the Jewish people to test Him, saying, “Please test me. Bring your tithes [charity] and see whether I will not open up the floodgates of the heavens for you and bring you uncontainable blessings.” The Talmud permits and even encourages bargaining when it comes to charitable giving. However, the Talmud (Taanis 9a) advises that charitable giving may be the only realm where divine bargaining is permitted, while in other matters, it should be discouraged. It advises against seeking signs or omens and attempting to negotiate specific outcomes through Divine intervention. The Talmud’s concern is that such bargaining may be seen as a lack of faith or an attempt to manipulate the Divine will.
We ought to contemplate whether our prayers and mitzvot are driven by a hidden or even unconscious desire for Divine reward. Are we, in essence, saying, “Look at me, reward me for my virtuous actions”? The danger lies in expecting immediate, positive results and becoming disheartened if they do not materialize. Pirkei Avos, Ethics of the Fathers (1:3) suggests that we serve God not for the sake of a reward but for the sake of Heaven. This is why the Talmud advises against tempting fate, as Eliezer did, by seeking signs and omens. While Eliezer’s case turned out to be exceptionally fortunate, not everyone may experience such luck.
May Hashem bless all of us so that we navigate life’s challenges without the need to bargain with God. Let us have faith that our lives are unfolding as they are meant to and that God is guiding the world according to a master plan. Embracing this perspective may provide us with the peace and tranquility needed to navigate even the most trying times.
Rabbi Dr. Avi Kuperberg is a forensic, clinical psychologist and a member of the American Psychology-Law Society. He is the coordinator of Bikur Cholim/Chesed at Congregation Torah Ohr in Boca Raton, Florida. He can be reached at [email protected].
