I, Eileen, take you Donald, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.
I spoke these vows to Donald 40 years ago this month. Forty years! I feel like I blinked, and four decades passed in an instant. What was I doing? How did I spend my time? Did I give my family the best that I could have or was I distracted with work and climbing my way up the corporate ladder at the expense of personal relationships?
As far as the foreshadowing that is stated in the vows, Don and I have experienced them all. We’ve had our share of better and worse days. We’ve experienced our career roller coaster rides (you know, the “for richer, for poorer” part). Fortunately we have been blessed to date with good health (not without a few hiccups along the way, but nothing to really complain about). We held front row seats to family and friends suffering with catastrophic illness so we have always had good reason to count our blessings. As far as the “to love and to cherish” part, my mother-in-law gave us sound advice when we got married. She recommended that we never go to bed angry. That is the best advice I could give newlyweds (courtesy of Thelma Bergman), along with no television in the bedroom (that is from the Eileen Bergman rulebook).
So why is a professional organizer writing about marriage vows in a monthly column? That is a great question! As I look back on the years, I see some trends and regrets that I would like to share.
Tomorrow is promised to no one, so make the most of today. It’s ok to give your career 102 percent of your effort, but make sure you turn it off when you walk in the door at night. Whether you are coming home to your beloved pet, spouse or children, they deserve your very best. I wish I had taken work a lot less seriously, and given more of my positive energy to my family and friends. My career has come, gone and come again. But family and friends have been by my side through it all.
I wish I had learned how to clear the clutter in my mind a lot earlier. I spent too much time agonizing over conversations, meetings, unsaid thoughts and could haves/should haves. There were many weekends where my body was in the room, and my mind was at the office. Shame on me! I will never get that time back. It took a long time for me to learn how to shut it down. The good news is that I got it!
Some of the regrets I have are surrounding not doing fun things because I did not want to spend the money. Looking back I can see that the money was spent elsewhere that may not have brought the joy that the shows or the trip would have.
Back to organizing, I feel confident that my husband and I are prepared for the future. We purchased Long Term Care insurance when it first came out and have updated our legal paperwork within the past five years. We have a great team of professionals who support us including an accountant, financial advisor and elder attorney. If I were to get hit by a bus tomorrow, I know that financially and legally my family would be well cared for. Our affairs are in order and as a Professional Organizer I know that it’s not always the case.
Looking back, there were some things I could have done better, but the reality is that it’s been a great run and I have a lot of good years left, God willing. So along with never going to bed angry, and no television in the bedroom, I also recommend that you end every phone call with your loved ones by telling them how much you love them. Give them the best that you’ve got every day because in the scheme of things, they are the only ones who really matter. Life is short, don’t blink.
Happy Organizing!
Eileen Bergman, Professional Organizer, may be reached by e-mail at [email protected] for feedback and suggestions for future articles.
By Eileen Bergman
