We have been fortunate enough to be partying and celebrating for the past few days in honor of the marriage of our granddaughter Esther Eisenberg to Dovid Axelrod. The celebration will continue over Shabbat in Rochester. Weddings are a time for us to reflect on what really counts in life.
This wedding took place in Lakewood. The moment anyone heard where it would take place there was a groan. “Lakewood, such a schlep.” Even more disconcerting for some was the fact that the wedding occured on the same day as the Super Bowl. More groans!
There are those who seriously consider the cost of what makes sense for one night. We have to say that the ambiance was beautiful; the food was excellent; no, there wasn’t liquor except for wine; centerpieces were lovely; the band excellent (not blasting) and anyone who cared came with simcha. Many from Rochester and many more from the Five Towns attended, with the sole intention of being misameach the chatan v’kallah and honoring their parents and grandparents. There is a certain vibe that one can tell when the guests are truly excited to be there, and that was felt throughout the late afternoon and evening.
Yes, there was discussion on the color of the dresses, which for most always turns out to be a slight pain in the neck. Somehow, one always sees the “perfect” dress in the wrong color, yet we all managed to conquer the project.
Had one asked the young couple whether they cared about the menu or the venue they would have both answered in the negative. So we think about the actual importance of a wedding. In our minds it is solely to unite two young people who have found each other and are anxious to begin on the path of building a bayit ne’eman. More important than all of the extravagance is the example and guidance that we can give them in their path ahead.
Parents need to be totally unintrusive. Let them learn and let them decide whether or not they need assistance. It is for that reason that we always felt the importance of young couples living away from their parents in the beginning of their marriages. Let them learn to be dependent upon each other rather than dependent upon mommy and daddy. Weddings are often filled with glitz, but we all know that life is not. Challenges arise every day. We have always felt that we need young couples to find their own way just as we did. We never would have thought of picking up the telephone and discussing any challenges that we were having with our parents. Isn’t marriage a time for the young couple, who is “old enough” to be married, to learn to depend upon each other and work things out with each other?
We think that message needs to be sounded to parents more than to their children. Leave them alone and let them fend for themselves.
We are praying that Esther and Dovid will work together to build a meaningful and beautiful life together. They both have seen examples of beautiful family life in their grandparents’, parents’ and married siblings’ homes. It is now their turn to establish what works best for them. We send them our brachot and love and wish that each day of their lives will be a loving and learning experience of growth and admiration of each other. Mazel tov.
Rabbi Mordechai and Nina Glick are living in Bergenfield after many years of service to the Montreal Jewish community. Rabbi Glick was the rav of Congregation Ahavat Yisroel as well as a practicing clinical psychologist in private practice. He also taught at Champlain Regional College. The Glicks were frequent speakers at the OU marriage retreats. Nina coordinated all Yachad activities in Montreal and was a co/founder of Maison Shalom, a group home for young adults with special needs. They can be reached at [email protected].
