What more could a grandparent ask than to see her family continually celebrate smachot? This week, together with our children Chavie and Chaim and our new family Lisa and Barry Schanzer, we are overwhelmed with gratitude at the recently announced engagement of our granddaughter Shira to Doni. We have been blessed with children who are there for each other all the time, and how much more significant at this moment is that Doni’s family is equally close.
As I look around at the amazing number of young people in this community, as well as throughout the Jewish observant world, I am overwhelmed by the number who are not able to easily find their mate.
As a member of the YU rebbetzins’ “Shidduch Cafe,” I see that each day, one after the other, people are posting resumes of lovely young and older people who are not having an easy time meeting the right person. The purpose of this article is not to dwell on the “why” of the great numbers who are still single. Instead, I would like to suggest that all of us have a responsibility to do whatever we can to introduce people.
I can attest to the fact that it is not easy to work on arranging shidduchim. For whatever the reason, in many cases it seems to be an absolute “no way” to imply that parents who are good friends with each other suggest that their children date. Keeping in mind that the young people have known each other for years, it seems logical to me that if families know each other and have seen the milieu that a child was raised in, how much better it would be for these two young people to “try it.” “Oh, no” I was told, it’s “passt nicht.” OK, on to the next possibility.
Trying to make a shidduch is often not an easy task. I have learned to get over the feeling that here I am trying to do two people a favor, and they are putting me through the grill and acting as though they are doing me a favor by listening to me. It doesn’t matter.
Being a shadchan is not for the weak at heart. Yet all of us must take the role in an undercover way if necessary by looking around and speaking up, even if you may be criticized for the suggestion. All of us have guests at our Shabbat tables frequently. We see people in shul, at work, in the office, in a store, that we might have a slight connection with who are alone and need to meet someone.
Very few people choose to be alone. How many times have we all heard of a couple who dated during their younger years and felt that they weren’t right for each other, and have met again eight and 10 years later, realizing that maybe they were too hasty in the decision that they made?
There are those who reach a certain age or point in life where they doubt the possibility that they will meet their ezer kenegdo but we as observers should never close our eyes to the possibility of introducing people. It is the responsibility of every person, even though most of us give it little thought. It is also not always comfortable to bring the topic up to someone who is not attached to anyone. Bite the bullet and do it anyway. It is our responsibility.
I remember shortly after we married at the ages of 20 and 21, I had a friend who stopped calling and was uncomfortable spending time with us, which she later explained was because she felt that she was intruding on our privacy. It is imperative for young marrieds to not neglect their still-single friends and to maintain close relations with them. As well, every young and older couple who was successful in finding their bashert must constantly keep in mind the need to pursue possible matches for their friends. It is easy for the unmarried to feel as though they are left by the wayside.
B”H, our family has been very blessed and we do not take it for granted. What we do acknowledge is our responsibility to share our happiness by searching for others to have the same blessings.
Nina Glick lives in Bergenfield with her husband, Rabbi Mordechai Glick, after many years of service to the Montreal Jewish community.
