Men in a similar age group and/or stage of life as I am—raising young children in Modern Orthodox homes—have been blatantly singled out in Jewish Link articles twice in the past three weeks for our imperfect minyan attendance record. Rabbi Wallace Green (“The Sanctity of Time,” January 14, 2021) writes in response, “When I see and experience young men who have gone through the yeshiva but the yeshiva has not gone through them, then, yes, I am angry.” Rabbi Martin Rosenfeld echoed a similar sentiment regarding the minyan participation “problem” directed at myself and my peers (“Where Is Everybody?” January 7, 2021): “[Modern Orthodoxy] could use some added oomph in the way we do shmirat hamitzvot.”

What were these two rabbis’ views regarding the state of minyan attendance two or three decades ago, when many of the older gentlemen Rabbi Rosenfeld dubs “devoted congregants” were in the prime of their childrearing days? I can only speak for my family and the community I grew up in, but many of the 30- and 40-somethings back then were also not attending minyanim on a daily basis. Fast forward to today, and almost all of those same men are gracing our shuls with their presence at all three daily minyanim. Does the supposed “Orthodox-Lite” mentality just disappear with age, or is there some other reason at play?

Before my beautiful young kids came along, I too made every attempt to daven with a minyan at least once a day. However, as these rabbis surely remember, youngsters require constant attention, babysitting, diaper changing, feeding, and transporting to and from school. Most of us (especially in the modern era) have wives who work as well, and saddling the women in our lives with all the childcare burdens during “rush hours”—which unfortunately often coincide with shul minyan times—is unfair and undermines shalom bayit. Kudos to those younger men further to the right on the Orthodox spectrum for their ability to carve out over an hour every day to attend minyan in shul. However, I am proud to be a part of the segment of Orthodoxy that strives for equitable treatment of women within the confines of Halacha, and if my wife needs me to daven at home so I can assist her with taking care of our children (who thoroughly enjoy davening with me), so be it.

If these rabbis were to hire babysitters for me on condition that I show up to shul, I would gladly oblige! Until then, please remember that many of us young professionals are just trying to do our best to balance our sometimes hectic familial lives with our frumkeit. Im yirtze Hashem, we will follow in the footsteps of the previous generations and show up at minyan far more often as our children become more independent.