For many mothers and fathers of newborns, the idea of bonding with their baby is daunting. “Where do I begin?” In many cases, there is so much crying, so little sleeping and the new parent is so overwhelmed that he or she does not know where to begin. When the parent of a newborn is so exhausted, bonding with the new baby is extra-challenging. Even second- and third-time parents experience this feeling since each time feels like the first time.

“How do I know what is normal?” Many mothers of babies approach me with questions regarding their baby’s development, wondering if the baby is on track with milestones, or if a certain behavior is normal. When should a baby begin to roll, or crawl? When should she hold her own bottle and when should he begin to sleep on schedule? All of these questions are normal but can seem overwhelming. It becomes especially difficult when parents think that a baby should be reaching a certain milestone but is not.

So much of newborn and infant development can vary from child to child and there is a wide spectrum of what is considered “normal.” Some babies are on a sleeping and eating schedule by six weeks old! But that’s fairly unusual and parents need not hold themselves to such a harsh standard. It is more common for babies to be on a regulated eating and sleeping schedule by three to six months. Obviously, the more sleep your baby gets at night, the more rested the parents are and the better they are able to cope with the daily challenges of child-rearing.

There are, however, certain strategies that we can use to help move development in the right direction. For example, infant massage is a technique that can easily be implemented by parents and caregivers. The Mayo Clinic describes infant massage as a strategy that can “encourage interactions between caregiver and baby; help your baby relax and sleep; positively affect infant hormones that control stress and reduce crying” (Infant Massage: Understand This Soothing Therapy, www.mayoclinic.org). Infant massage is a technique that is not complicated to learn and is a wonderful method that affects both parent and baby. This is just one example of a strategy that can be implemented daily to help with bonding and move development along.

This summer, at Kids’ Therapy Place, we began a series called My Baby and Me. It is a series of groups for caregivers and babies six weeks to 12 months, run by Allison Schwartz, MS, OTR/L. A new mother herself, and a highly experienced pediatric OT, Allie has been able to address new mothers’ concerns in a fun, relaxing and supportive environment. Discussions around what to expect in terms of milestones and use of strategies to help achieve them was a conversation that was high on everyone’s list in the group. Allie has been able to teach the mothers, with the help of her own son, Cole, how to enhance their babies’ development through different handling techniques. They focused on ways to touch and bond with their babies through massage and playing with them. They discussed and practiced different positions for carrying and holding their babies as well as how to best position them for sleep and play. Most of all, the mothers in the group appreciated the opportunity to bond with the other mothers and find a supportive environment of mothers who were in the same stage as them.

Parents of newborns have so many resources at their fingertips, ones that they often do not even consider. The obvious option is to reach out to other mothers—your own mother, sister, cousin or a close friend who is a mother herself. You would be surprised to learn that most mothers feel the same level of frustration, exhaustion and being overwhelmed. Or talk to your pediatrician. Pediatricians can be a great resource for parents of newborns and infants and can guide you to support groups, developmental programs and articles or websites that can offer you information and support. Please, please be careful when looking up information on the internet. Since anyone anywhere can write anything and present him or herself as an “expert,” the information that you receive may or may not be accurate and there is no reason to worry needlessly.

For more information about the My Baby and Me groups, please send us an email or call our office and we’ll be happy to guide you the best that we can.

By Alyssa Colton

Alyssa Colton MA, OTR/L, and Aviva Lipner MA, OTR/L, are sisters and owners of Kids’ Therapy Place, LLC, an occupational therapy practice for children in Bogota, New Jersey. Contact them at [email protected], 201-525-0050 and www.kidstplace.com.