One of the more enjoyable committees on which I serve is an advisory group for Nishma, which conducts research on the Orthodox Jewish community — both communal and organizational studies. As an advisor, I get to review the surveys that the group plans to conduct before they are released and provide input, along with several other bright and thoughtful individuals (Michael Broyde, Sylvia Fishman, Avrohom Gordimer, Steven Gotlib, Joseph Kaplan, Ilana Kelman and Dov Zackheim).

Nishma was founded by Mark Trencher, who headed research at two Fortune 200 financial firms and has taught business statistics at both the graduate and undergraduate level. In the past decade, he has conducted many different surveys of the Orthodox community that has generated important findings on political orientation, why people leave Orthodoxy, baalei teshuva and singlehood, among other subjects.

His most recent survey, which was released to the public last month, focuses on middot bein adam l’chaveiro — and the findings are worth discussing.

Those responding to the survey, which consisted of Orthodox Jews of various affiliations, rated 19 different middot in terms of how well they thought they were doing, both individually and as a community. Chesed, tzedakah and kibbud av v’em were the top three areas of community strength. The Orthodox community clearly provides an effective support system for those in need.

The greatest needs for community improvement are in the areas of shemirat halashon (the poorest rating by a wide margin, with 69% rating this as fair or poor), anavah, people needing to be dan l’kaf zechut, having savlanut, and being sameach b’chelko. So, gossip, envy, being judgmental, having patience and dissatisfaction with one’s life seem to be the areas where work is needed.

One individual commented: “Lashon hara is rampant and there is a lot of stereotyping based on what shul, school people attend. That bothers me a lot.”

Another individual said: “We have certain things we do right — there are many gemachs — there is tomchei Shabbos. However, we really need to work on being able to dialogue respectfully with those who hold opposing viewpoints. We are extremely polarized and lack achdut on a deeper level.”

About 60% agree that our Jewish schools and religious leaders are doing a good job teaching and emphasizing middot, but very few (only about 10%) fully agree, while the vast majority said they “tend to agree.” So the sentiment seems to suggest that our schools and religious leaders should be doing more.

Said one individual: “It would be great if schools would put more of an emphasis on really teaching middot and making meaningful incentives for kids. It would be nice if shul rabbis would also put more of an emphasis on this among their congregants and communities.”

Reflecting on their own middot, respondents rated shemirat halashon as their main personal area needing work, especially lashon hara. Some respondents want to be more proactive in stopping harmful conversations or avoid participating in them, while others want to focus on learning the halachot of speech.

One respondent explained it this way: “I want to work on speaking up against my friends speaking lashon hara. I generally just ignore the conversation or try to subtly change the subject. But I wish I could bring attention to the lashon hara and tell them to stop.”

Respondents also see a need to stop being judgmental or harshly critical of others, with a focus on empathy and understanding differing perspectives. Several people indicated they want to improve their behavior at home, particularly in being kinder and more patient with close family members. Strategies include mindfulness, mussar learning and focusing on gratitude.

One individual said: “I want to work on being less judgmental and more dan lekaf zechut. Sometimes, I tend to make assumptions despite not really knowing what’s going on in the other person’s life.”

Were there differences based on age, gender and other demographics? Some, but not a lot.

By an average of about 5%, Haredi respondents rated their schools, leaders and community as doing a better job on middot than Modern Orthodox respondents did. I’m not sure whether there are real differences or whether the Modern Orthodox respondents were more willing to be critical.

A similar pattern appears within Modern Orthodoxy, with those who are more machmir and who identified with the more right-wing of Modern Orthodoxy rating their community’s middot as better than those on the left or center of Modern Orthodoxy.

Men and women rate their own middot and the community’s middot equally for 15 of the 19 middot, while women rate middot as being significantly better for chesed, tzedaka, hachnasat orchim, and hakarat hatov.

Those age 60 and above rate their community’s middot about 5% worse than those younger. Interestingly, they rate their own middot as about 5% better than do those under age 60.

Married and unmarried respondents answered in a generally similar pattern.

“I was gratified, and I’ll admit a bit surprised, that people really took advantage of this opportunity for introspection,” said Trencher, who reflected on the survey’s results. “People were quite honest about themselves and their community … a bit critical, but I think that in these tough times for us as individuals and for klal Yisrael, they were really looking into themselves and thinking about how we all act with each other. Yasher koach to all who participated … may we continue to grow.”

A big thank you to Nishma Research for the important surveys it regularly conducts, which use scientific methods to help us better understand the Orthodox community’s unique strengths and weaknesses and allow us to focus on our wants and needs. To access the full results of the survey, visit nishmaresearch.org. As we approach the High Holiday season, let’s hope and pray that we can improve on all of our middot, both as individuals and as a community.

Michael Feldstein, who lives in Stamford, is the author of “Meet Me in the Middle” (meet-me-in-the-middle-book.com), a collection of essays on contemporary Jewish life. He can be reached at [email protected].

Let me take this opportunity to wish all the readers of The Jewish Link a ketiva v’chatima tova. May we all be granted a year filled with good health and good fortune, and may we soon see a quieter year for the Jewish community, both here and abroad. It has been gratifying to receive so many positive comments from readers of my column each week.
I look forward to sharing my thoughts and observations with all of you during the coming year ahead.