So I took wife #3 out on our usual Thursday movie date night. And sure enough, of all the theaters to attend, I run into wife #1. Only she’s with former brother-in-law #1. He still owes me money. I paid for nephew #1’s bar mitzvah. When is it time for a relative like brother-in-law #1 to pay me back? That was 15 years ago. Nephew #1 and son #3 are good friends, which is nice. It’s good when cousins remain friends.

So son #2 from wife #3 asked if I could drive him and his friends to go bowling. He’s 14 and can’t drive yet. I picked up his friend #1 and friend #2. The three boys were wearing so much men’s cologne there was an oppressive cloud inside the car. But then when I got home, I had to tell son #1 from wife #3 that his room was a mess. I told son #1 from wife #3 no ESPN for a week if the room wasn’t picked up. What’s wrong with these kids today? I had the same issue with daughter #1 from wife #2 until she was practically 18 years old.

And one would think that girls are neater than boys are! Give that one a rest, because you should have seen how wife #2 kept her side of the room. That’s why I’m on wife #3.

When I’m not writing Not Banji’s Column, I’m trying to figure out who all these people are in my family.

By Jill Phacobs