It sounds like a cliché, but it really is true: Israelis love to argue. Loudly! Listen to the chatter at the table next to you in a Jerusalem coffee shop and you’re bound to hear two Israelis loudly arguing over politics or religion. One moment you’re basking in the warmth of a neighbor’s hospitality, and the next you’re in a heated exchange with them over the city’s new plan to build a light rail or the noise they’re making while you’re trying to sleep. Don’t try to shout them down. Chances are you’ll lose. Just keep your cool — and your smile — you’ll get heard and more than likely get things done.

Make Your Neighbors Your Family

Neighbors in Israel are like extended family. But if someone seems brusque at first, don’t take it personally. Israelis often speak directly, but underneath they’re warm and generous. A kind word, a neighborly wave, or even a plate of cookies can turn a distant neighbor into a lifelong friend.

And while you’re at it, get to know your local shopkeepers and market vendors. Even a smile or a friendly “Boker tov!” to the security guard at the neighborhood school or nearby shopping mall can make their day and yours more pleasant (as long as you’re not intimidated by their gun). A friendly smile or hello to the corner grocer could result in discounts, better service and insider tips on better deals.

And if someone’s having a bad day and snaps at you, don’t snap back. Rise above it. Tell them you appreciate their help. Kindness is disarming — and in Israel totally unexpected.

Cut Through Red Tape With a Smile

Dealing with bureaucrats is frustrating anywhere, but in Israel, patience and charm are your best tools. Bank officials often juggle a high volume of requests, and tensions can run high. When appointments run late at the kupat holim (HMO) or someone seems abrupt, remember they’re likely overwhelmed. Stay calm, explain your needs clearly, and show gratitude for their time. And if you’re met with stubbornness or impatience, resist the urge to match their negative energy. Chances are they’re frustrated that they can’t help you and get you to leave them alone.

Instead, keep your tone light and even throw in a joke. Your calm will stand out in a sea of louder voices, and you’ll often find that officials are more willing to go the extra mile for someone who treats them with respect.

Disarm With Kindness

Here’s the golden rule: nothing defuses tension like calmness. If someone yells, let them. If someone refuses to cooperate, stay steady and polite (or politely ask to see their supervisor). Your calm will confuse, disarm and eventually win them over. Later, when you’re alone, let out your frustration. Scream into a pillow, go for a run, complain about the whole episode to friends over Shabbat lunch (but not too much or they might not invite you back). But when you’re in the moment, keep your cool. Your resilience will not only earn you respect but also make you feel more in control.

Why It Matters

Building relationships with your neighbors, local merchants and service providers isn’t just about making life easier — it’s about creating a sense of belonging. In a country where community is everything, these connections are your lifeline. They’ll make your new home feel like home, and they’ll remind you why you came to Israel in the first place. And who knows? If more olim do this, it may change the way things get done in Israel.

So smile. Be friendly. Let kindness be your calling card. The rewards are immeasurable, and before long, you’ll find that you’re not just living in Israel. You’re also living happy.

Olim Paveway’s Olim Toolbox offers timely tips for anyone moving to or visiting Israel.

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