Many thanks to S. Dworken Koss for writing a letter urging our educational leadership to overhaul the current high school admissions process (“Leaders of the Jewish Community: Please Work Together on High School Admissions,” March 23, 2023). These rejections beget ill will, outrage and heartbreak. Eighth graders are not developmentally capable of healthfully processing such deliberate exclusion and alienation. I believe that the shame they endure has far reaching consequences and that our educational leaders are honor bound to ensure that all of our community’s eighth graders have a Jewish high school education available to them.

Part of the problem is geographic in nature. Not all communities have their own high school. Not all families elect to send their children to the schools closest to their homes. These factors make it more difficult for community schools to “take care of their own” as they may have been inclined to in years past.

If all of the leaders of the Jewish high schools adopted a No Child Left Behind policy, perhaps they could work together to decide how to best meet the needs of the percentage of students who are difficult to place. The students who are not being offered placements are usually (but not always) students with identifiable academic, behavioral or emotional struggles. What if administrators began to plan for these students’ futures in sixth or seventh grade? What if teachers, guidance counselors and principals from the different middle schools met periodically with the principals and faculty members of the high schools to discuss their concerns? The high school administrators and educators could approach these meetings with a joint commitment to accepting a fraction of the students who might otherwise be rejected. They can pool their wisdom and intuition to try to place each student appropriately and to communicate proactively with families so that parents feel less blindsided if their children do not get into their first choice school. There is no way to eliminate all of the angst involved in these delicate and multifaceted decisions but if every student is guaranteed a placement, the current level of anguish and animus will be significantly reduced and the obligation to avail all of our children of a Jewish education will be met.

The world at large is suffering from a diminution of trust in institutions and it is painful to acknowledge that this lack of good faith has slithered into our community. S. Dworken Koss mentions that these admissions decisions are sometimes rendered with a lack of compassion and sensitivity. I would encourage school leaders to own these shortcomings and to heal these interpersonal ruptures. However, while I do believe that the onus of securing a high school placement for all of our students lies with our school leaders, I also would like to pose a thought for communal consideration. I trust that each of the administrators of our high schools are talented and dedicated educators who devote their lives to the klal. If families are reporting that these colossally hardworking people are repeatedly falling short in empathy, if their communication feels inadequate or dismissive, I wonder if this is due to the superhuman demand we have placed on them? I think it is important for parents to consider the possibility that sometimes their own reputations for belligerent behavior or unreasonable demands are contributing to a high school’s decision to reject a student. Principals today are tasked/burdened with many demands that were unfathomable years ago. Parents and teachers have a responsibility to manage their expectations of their school leaders in order to preserve their time, energy and sanity.

I feel strongly that it is possible to strengthen the goodwill and trust among all of the stakeholders in the Jewish education community. Our children are the people who lose out if these relationships are fractured. What a gift we could give them if we could intentionally prioritize the health of these relationships. We could model respectful dialogue, effective problem solving and visible positive regard. As a teacher and a parent, I would be eager to participate in any solution oriented conversation with people on both sides of the principal’s desk who share the objective of working to fortify these important relationships.