April 10, 2024
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April 10, 2024
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Pesach is fast approaching and perhaps this year, more than ever, we need all of the (appropriate) Pesach jokes we can get. Of course, generally speaking there are many Jewish jokes, some good, some bad and some that defuddle. Within the universe of Jewish jokes are those specifically pertaining to Pesach. While some of these jokes are worthwhile, others should be… passed over.

For the record, Passover jokes should not be recited during the seder if they will disrupt it. In other words, during the seder, please do not attempt to put the “ha!” in Haggadah, Hallel or Halach Ma’anya.

For your consideration, below are some Passover jokes, some of which might make you smile while others might be worse than bondage. Take some comfort, however, that even worse jokes were omitted. They will remain on the cutting-room floor so that they are trampled into farfel.

1. Why didn’t most Egyptians know about the Ninth Plague? They were kept in the dark.

2. What is the best way to describe baby Moses’ mother after baby Moses was sent floating down the Nile? She was a basket case.

3. If Dr. Jekyll finds the Afikoman without even trying, who should you blame? Mr. “Hide.”

4. Why was Pharaoh unable to get his stock broker’s license? He was involved in a pyramid scheme.

5. What did the lion say after tasting the bitter herbs? Ma-Roar!

6. What did the Hebrews say when Pharaoh declared that they must make bricks without using other materials: “Ok, Rameses, now you’ve gone too far. This is the last straw!” (Pharaoh replied: “I agree, it is the last straw. That’s what I just said!” At that point a very awkward moment set in as both sides were stymied by the literal vs.figurative “last straw” conflict. Pharaoh summoned his chief linguist and grammarian, exclaiming that this “last straw” conundrum was plaguing his mind. At that moment, Moshe quickly responded: “Funny you should mention plagues…”

7. What was Aaron’s official title? Chief of Staff.

8. Why are gold-colored knee-high socks forbidden on Passover? They create golden calves.

9. During the Red Sea miracle, what diagnosis did Moses receive from his psychiatrist? He had a split personality.

10. What is the most appropriate item to serve on Passover to commemorate the Red Sea miracle? Split-pea soup and a banana split.

11. Why didn’t Pharaoh call for help during the second plague? He had a frog in his throat.

12. What is the best way to describe Moses and Aaron when the first plague started? Blood brothers.

13. What song would arguably have been appropriate to sing to Pharaoh during the seventh plague? “Hail” to the Chief.

14. What is the last thing an Egyptian likely would have ordered for breakfast during the sixth plague? A hard-’boil”ed egg.

15. What dessert might have been served in Egypt during the third plague? Lice cream.

16. What type of beer did the Egyptians serve to the slaves? He-Brew.

17. What type of person does not believe that the main river in Egypt turned into blood? A “Nile”hist.

18. What is King of Egypt’s favorite side dish? Farro.

19. What do you call it when you are dipping parsley in salt water while doing a drive-by? You’re doing a karpas car pass.

20. What did the child ask at the seder when his mother set the table with new and unusual cutlery? “Why is this knife different from all over knives?”

21. How should you describe an incredibly patriotic child who mistakenly eats both types of horseradish and then starts to cry? Red, White and Blue.

22. Where did Moses go when he wanted to exercise with his brother? He went out for Aa-run.

23. If Pharaoh’s magicians were to double as fact-checkers, what should you call them? Sorcerers who source errors.

24. Why did Moses make Aaron hold the staff? Because Moses had a “staff” infection.

25. Where does the U.S. military store its chametz? Fort Leavenworth.

26. If you have a seder on a large and fancy boat, what song should you sing at the end of the night? “Chad Gad Yacht.”

27. What starchy vegetable did Moses’ sister enjoy eating? Miri-yams.

28. What sport did the Hebrews enjoy playing in the desert? Matzah-ball.

29. Which Star Wars character is the most fascinated by the punishments that the Egyptians received? Darth Plagueis.

30. Why did some Hebrews ask their task masters for designer work clothes? They were slaves to fashion.

Bonus joke: Which movies best describe “The Four Sons”? (1) Good Will Hunting, (2) The Devil’s Advocate, (3) Forrest Gump and (4) Nell.

Final thought: On Passover, a burning bush is a good thing but a burning brisket is not.

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