It’s something we probably don’t appreciate enough. It’s a wonderful thing to be part of a community that is so eager to perform acts of chesed for each other. In times of celebration, and God forbid, times of tragedy, it is extremely heartwarming when friends and neighbors are eager to help share the burden and make things easier.
Our family is in the midst of being the beneficiaries of that chesed as we begin to adjust to the blessed new reality of living with our twins—Gavriel Yehuda and Michoel Binyamin, b”H. Neighbors and friends have offered to make us meals, help with carpool, invite our other children, etc.
So many friends have offered to help. “Please let me know what I can do for you. I really mean it.” “We want to help; what can we do?” How great it is to be part of klal Yisrael—a nation built on chesed and caring.
But there is even a step above. There are those who don’t ask what they can do, rather they try to anticipate how they can be helpful and just do it.
This week, be’ezrat Hashem, we celebrate the upsherin of our dear son Shimshon Dovid. Although his English birthday was a few weeks ago, because this year was a Jewish leap year, his Hebrew birthday is this Friday. When he was born three years ago, it was during the days of teacher meetings, just prior to the beginning of the new school year. As can be imagined, between the new baby and running back and forth to the hospital I hardly had any time, and surely not to work on any new school-related programs.
On the day before the school year began, as I was walking toward my classroom, my dear friend and fellow Ashar rebbe, Rabbi Yosef Bendrihem, told me that he wanted to show me something in the room. He explained that instead of getting me an outfit for our new son, he decided to give me a more unique present. He then walked over to the closet in my classroom and opened it up to reveal shelves stocked with sodas, taffies and all sorts of nosh. He then handed me a stack of “Ashar dollars,” i.e. photocopied one-dollar bills with the Ashar logo in the middle.
I was speechless. I had mentioned to Rabbi Bendrihem at the end of the previous year that I had wanted to initiate this new incentive program for my class, which included creating “Ashar dollars.” He realized that I would not have the chance to create it, so he did it for me, including creating a template for the dollars, which definitely took some time that he could have used to prepare his own classes.
It was the greatest gift I personally received then, because it was something that I really wanted/needed and was not able to take care of myself. Had he asked me if he should do it for me, I undoubtedly would have told him not to, not wanting to bother him so much. But he didn’t ask. He knew it’s what I wanted and he took the initiative and did it for me.
It’s one thing to offer, another to “tell me whatever you need.” It’s another thing to offer specific help. “When can I take your kids?” “I am going to get haircuts for my sons, should I take yours too?” “I am going shopping now. What am I getting for you?” etc.
We all seek God’s favor and kindness during the Days of Judgment. One of the greatest ways to curry that favor is to demonstrate it ourselves. When we live beyond ourselves then we are truly living a worthy life, and then we are justified in asking God to continue to grant us life so that we can fulfill His Will, and help others.
Rabbi Dani Staum, LMSW is the rabbi of Kehillat New Hempstead, as well as guidance counselor and seventh-grade rebbe in ASHAR, and principal at Mesivta Ohr Naftoli of New Windsor, and a division head at Camp Dora Golding. He also presents parenting classes based on the acclaimed Love and Logic methods. His email address is: [email protected]. His website is: www.stamtorah.info.
By Rabbi Dani Staum
