The holidays are a time for wonderful food and memorable occasions with family and friends. Sometimes, however, the holidays can also bring stressful events for adults. We tend to forget that these times can also be stressful for children. Here are some helpful strategies to approach this joyous, yet stressful, time of the year with children.
Communicate changes in routine to children. Consider posting a schedule.
Kids like to know what their day or week consists of. This may fluctuate, depending on the age of the child, but kids like to know what is going on, too. This may be especially important if your child has any fears or anxiety over changes to his or her typical routine. During the holidays, there can be many variations on typical routines. This may include visiting others’ homes, different people visiting your home, changes in eating routines, and later bedtimes. Posting a schedule allows your child to see what will happen during his/her day, so show them him/her a written schedule. Some children may be okay with a verbal reminder, but others may need a more concrete, visual reminder. Using a picture schedule may be suitable for younger children who cannot yet read. These pictures may be generic pictures of events, such as (1) getting dressed, (2) going to synagogue, and (3) going to a restaurant. Using a typical calendar may be useful in noting when certain family members or friends will be visiting. Have your child write these events on the date on the calendar and talk about the events that day will bring.
Prepare kids for different expectations. There are so many different faces, interesting foods, various places, and wonderful traditions to look forward to over the holidays! It’s all very exciting, but it can be overwhelming. Set up expectations ahead of time. As a family, discuss the different people your family may visit with and talk about the last time you saw them. This may help your child to remember family members or friends they may have forgotten. If there will be several children at the home you are visiting, bring a simple, but fun activity they all can participate in. Have older children be the “helpers” and have a special treat for them to reward them for their help. Talk about the different foods your child may encounter. Although these foods may be fun to try when you’re an adult, they may be intimidating for younger palates. Review appropriate manners with your child in advance. Working on phrases like, “No, thank you,” may help to avoid some embarrassing moments. If you plan to attend an unfamiliar restaurant, check out the restaurant’s website with your child prior to the dining experience. Have them look at the pictures and the menu and pick out a couple of options for their meal.
Create a cool down area: Let’s face it, everyone needs a break at some point during the holidays. Children become overly excited and overly tired very quickly. If you plan to have visitors in your home, have your children understand that they may be asked to “take a break” or “cool down” for a few minutes. Create a private or semi-private area in your home where your child can go relax and regain composure if he or she becomes upset, over-stimulated, or frustrated. This area should consist of some comforting items, but nothing that will be too reinforcing or stimulating. Time in this area should not be considered a “time out.” Rather, this is a proactive way in bringing your child back to a calmer state. Talk to your children about this prior to having events in your home, so they know where to go and why they are going to “take a break.” If you are visiting others, it may be helpful to scope out a room or area in which your children, and maybe yourself, can “take a break.”
Remember that the holidays may a time of fun festivities, but these wonderful events can be overwhelming for children. By being proactive, you and your family will know how to handle the stress and have a memorable and happy Hanukah!
Laura Henderson, MA, BCBA is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst and Director of Behavior Services at The Center for Neurological and Neurodevelopmental Health (CNNH). She works extensively with families, schools and other community organizations serving individuals with behavioral concerns. CNNH has locations at MALO Health and Wellness in Rutherford, NJ and in Monmouth and Camden Counties in NJ and King of Prussia PA.
By Laura Henderson, MA, BCBA
