One of the most noticeable aspects of the megilla for the religious person is the fact that God is not present—or at least seemingly never mentioned by name. In fact, unlike all of the other chagim that have an historical component, Purim is unique in that there is no overt supernatural miracle to celebrate. And yet, we often refer to the fact that the megilla is the pirsumei nisa (the publicization of the miracle) of the holiday. In so doing, we emphasize that we recognize God’s presence in our history and in our lives, peering from the lattices, just beyond reach, but watching and involved nevertheless.
It seems to me that this is a message that we are in dire need of cultivating more throughout the year and not just on Purim. There is an increasing sense in the community and in education that there is something that might be missing from our shuls and our schools and our homes; namely, for all of the emphasis that we have placed on learning, and texts, and skills and covering ground, we may have lost something in the way of personal connection. We have much to be proud of as a community for the infrastructures we have built and for the incredible array of possibilities that abound, from kosher eateries to kosher vacations, but have we equally cultivated a sense of the ongoing presence of the Divine?
In communities both to the left and to the right of us (wherever our center might be) people who work with kids (and adults) note that there seems to be a lot of adherence to communal halachic norms but there doesn’t always seem to be a concomitant sense of passion. In particular, in the present context, that might mean lacking a personal relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu, or at least the active pursuit of such a relationship. In tefillah, for example, many kids come to see this as a rote practice, uttering the same words day after day without realizing that this is supposed to be a personal and intimate conversation. In Tanach, it may mean learning lots of text, but any mention of God is almost as an historical figure rather than as a Being Who is interested in a relationship in the here and now. In Gemara, it is rare that the name of God comes up altogether, let alone what the sugya has to do with our faith.
In Ma’ayanot we have spent these past months as a faculty beginning to figure out how to address this from within our classrooms, something we call “personalizing Torah,” as a way of enabling students to see personal relevance in their learning and to deepen their commitments. But in thinking about the things that parents can do as well, I was reminded of some advice by Justin Barrett, a Christian theologian from Oxford (we are not the only faith community who faces these challenges).
- “Start early.”
If kids can handle thinking about God from very early ages, then we do them and ourselves a disservice by not speaking about God more. Children are automatically (= cognitively) inclined to see patterns in the natural world and to see function and purpose there. I recall reading about the practice of someone who gave his children a quarter every time they could point to a place in the world where God’s presence was to be discerned. Asking young children about God (“Do you think Hashem can see into this closed box? Where do you think Hashem lives? Where can you see Hashem’s Presence around you today?”) is not only important cognitive training, it is also important training of the soul.
- “Don’t say you believe in it or have faith in it; talk as if there is no question about it.”
When people talk about germs or oxygen, they don’t say, “I believe in oxygen. I believe that oxygen is here around us.” Nor do we say, “I believe in that chair” or “I have faith in the chair.” Yet we do often use those words when we talk about religion. For young children in particular, that may be an introduction to doubt. There is plenty of time for kids to have those doubts as they grow older. We know that parents are powerful influences, indeed, the most powerful influence in how children come to live a religious life. There is therefore a big difference between a parent saying “I believe in God” versus her saying “I trust in Hashem.” Always talk about God as if He is real, not only because He is, but because our kids need to know that we think He is.
- “Talk about God in actual contexts in which God’s action can be detected.”
Fairy tales are all about fantasy, and young kids are remarkably adept at discerning the difference between “once upon a time” and the time in which they live. Yet, too often, people talk about God as if He were only alive in biblical times, causing the sea to split or the sun to stop or striking down enemies by opening up the ground. If, however, God is to be real, then He must be alive in the present and we need to tell kids that He is a force at work in our lives as well. When was the last time you pointed out to your child what you believe to be the active presence of HaKadosh Baruch Hu in your life?
Barrett has some other suggestions, but I trust you get the point. In this he follows the lead of some theorists in England who maintain that even though we are hardwired for belief at birth, as we get older society forces us to repress or lose touch with those feelings and inclinations. As such, whether or not children ultimately come to see the presence of HaKadosh Baruch Hu in their lives has much to do with us. But there is little hope that they will walk the walk unless we continue to talk the talk, and not just on Purim but on every day of the year.
By Rabbi Dr. Jay Goldmintz
Rabbi Jay Goldmintz teaches Tanach and Jewish philosophy at Ma’ayanot Yeshiva High School. He is the author of a blog on religious parenting called The Soul of Parenting, which can be found on the OU website.
