Dear Basya,
After months of hard work I have finally reached my goal weight. I am so thankful and so thrilled that all my efforts have paid off. Mixed with my joy, however, is shock at the comments that I have been getting from some of my friends. My friends have said things like “You are becoming anorexic,” “Your face is too skinny” or “You are obsessed with food.” Where is this negativity coming from? It is really upsetting and quite hurtful.
Signed,
Reached my Goal
Dear Goal Reacher,
First of all, congratulations on working hard towards something meaningful to you, and getting there! What an amazing feeling of accomplishment! I receive this question a lot—why do people start getting negative when other people lose weight? The simple answer is jealousy, but it’s worth exploring a bit further because oftentimes the person making the rude comments is a close friend or relative who really wants the best for us most of the time. Why are they suddenly jealous? The answer goes deep to the root of what women value.
Studies conducted on women’s priorities find that women concern themselves first with their families, followed immediately afterwards by their looks, which includes their weight. This means women place a higher priority on how they look than on finances, health, fun, work or any other commonly held priority!
With this understanding, it makes sense that women react strongly when faced with your successful weight loss. It is something they deeply value, more than almost anything else, but have not yet attained. Keeping this in mind when faced with snide and derisive comments can help you listen to their comments without taking them personally.
As a side point, is also a good idea to double check and make sure that you aren’t talking too much about your dieting success, as this can be extremely annoying to others. And of course, make sure your weight loss journey is being conducted in a healthy manner— your friends may be genuinely concerned about you.
Best,
Basya
Basya Kovacs is a nutrition counselor at Nutrition by Tanya, and is the manager of multiple locationsincluding the Monsey and Clifton locations. Nutrition by Tanya offers personalized and practical weight management and nutrition counseling for men, women, and children, with thirteen locations as well as a full line of food products, personal training, life coaching and even a cafe! The newest edition to the TAP product and service line is Cooking with Tanya, our beautiful full colored cookbook, available wherever Jewish books are sold. The office can be reached at 844-TANYA- DIET.
