I’ve been doing the bar mitzvah circuit a lot recently, and I noticed that there’s a big difference between the food being served to the adults and the food served at the boys’ table. The adults generally get chicken, rice and a vegetable. The boys receive chicken poppers, franks-in-blanks and French fries. I noticed quite a few adults glancing at the boys’ food with envy, some even helping themselves to poppers!

An adult meal is … more functional. When my mother-in-law, Rebbetzin Singer, made dinner for herself, it was a simple meal. But when her children and grandchildren came over, she would serve up fancy dishes that she would never prepare for herself alone. Her main focus was on her children. For her, the meal she served to her family was an opportunity to connect with them and show how much she loved them.

In parshas Pinchas, Hashem instructs klal Yisrael to bring a korban Musaf on Shabbos. The korban Musaf on Shabbos is unlike the korban Musaf of the Yomim Tovim. On Shabbos, only two lambs are brought, whereas on the Yomim Tovim, there are seven lambs—in addition to the other korbanos of the Yom Tov. Why does the korban Musaf of Shabbos consist of only two offerings? The midrash answers based on a parable: “A king instructed his servant to prepare a meal for his children. When the cook finished preparing the kid-friendly food, he asked the king, ‘Your majesty, what would you like to eat for dinner?’ The king replied, ‘I want to eat the same food you made for my children!’”

On Shabbos, klal Yisrael eats a double portion. We use lechem mishna—two loaves of bread—to begin each meal. Even the meal portion is expanded: besides having regular food for the meal, there is a mitzvah to have additional food in honor of oneg Shabbos (the enjoyment of Shabbos). Although it would be befitting to offer to Hashem—the King of Kings—a multitude of animals on Shabbos, similar to a seven-course meal; Hashem wants only a double portion—the same that His children, klal Yisrael, enjoy. Hashem wants to be treated like His children as a sign of affection and connection to them.

On Shabbos, Hashem’s desire is to be One with klal Yisrael. Hashem is saying, “I don’t want just sacrifices; I want your company. I want to eat the same as you.”

There is another striking difference between the korban Musaf of Shabbos and that of Yom Tov: On Yomim Tovim, a seir izim (a goat) is brought as a korban Chatas (a sin offering). Yet Shabbos does not have a sin offering. Why not? The concept of Hashem wanting to spend time and connect with His children on Shabbos can help us understand the answer.

My wife and I love it when our married children come for Shabbos and Yom Tov. We get to spend time and interact with our grandchildren. They are just so cute! But you have to watch them carefully. Little accidents can happen … children are children!

The Sfas Emes explains that Shabbos is “impervious to sin.” Of course, a person can do something wrong on Shabbos and is culpable for his actions. However, the way Hashem relates to klal Yisrael on Shabbos is entirely different than on Yom Tov or during the week. On Shabbos, Hashem doesn’t focus on what we’re doing wrong. On Shabbos, Hashem looks at us with an attitude of affection—as though we are cute little children running around! Children mess up … but children are children!

This concept helps us to appreciate the beauty of Shabbos and the enhanced relationship Hashem desires to have with us on this day. It also gives us a fresh perspective on parenting—on Shabbos, in general and at the Shabbos table, in particular. It’s a time to observe our children—to focus on how special they are and to figure out how we can enhance our relationship with them. It’s not a time to disapprove of what they’re doing wrong. Our time on Shabbos needs to be positive and relaxed, not critical or tense. We can model ourselves after Hashem’s relationship to His children! Let’s focus on our children’s good qualities and uniqueness, appreciating them for who they are.

Rabbi Baruch Bodenheim is the associate rosh yeshiva of Passaic Torah Institute (PTI)/Yeshiva Ner Boruch. Rabbi Bodenheim can be reached at [email protected]. For more info about PTI and its Torah classes, visit www.pti.shulcloud.com