Yes, kids, it is that time of year again, the time of year when we go to synagogue several times a day and pray for a sweet, healthy, safe, peaceful, and wonderful new year. When we try to put our old and bad habits behind us, take advantage of our clean slate, and start the year anew. Since we aren’t a superstitious religion (she said laughingly), I am not sure if resolutions are supposed to be made before Rosh Hashanah.

Since it is the “Jewish” new year as opposed to the “secular” new year, if one were to make resolutions, I suppose they would have to be geared towards the whole Jewish aspect of the holiday…I am thinking if I could just make one resolution a day, and stick to it, for one day, that would be a tremendous accomplishment. For example, after listening to the sounds of the shofar, my resolution, for that day, is going to be not to let husband #1’s snoring bother me. I put the shofar and the snoring together because when he snores, it does, in fact, sometimes sound like the sweet sounds of a ram’s horn (or the sweet sounds of a subway train, take your pick). In fact, I will work on my yoga breathing to let those lovely sounds wash over my peaceful aura and it will not even enter my mind to smother his face with a pillow. Breathe in through the nose, exhale through the mouth…one resolution down. Husband #1 has lived to sing my praises another day (she said, again, laughingly).

My next resolution that I will keep for a day will be to not comment on anyone’s clothing during shul. This will work most effectively if I am not sitting next to anyone or if I am not sitting next to anyone that I am actually friends with so, knowing me, I might be safe with this one. But, if there is a chance that someone will want to chat, I will refrain from commenting on any shoes that are too high, skirts that are too short, and hair that is too-too blonde/brunette/red-headed. I will look deep into the words of the machzor and find the power to rise above the outfits. This will be an exercise in great will power as I sit in the back row and can see everyone who comes in. I like to call it the walk of shame, and very few women can pull it off with the confidence needed, but those who can really rock it!

My next resolution that I will keep, for one day, is that of not partaking in any loshon hara. That is a bad one. That one is hard to keep, but I will search my soul and only come up with relevant celebrity gossip, because if it is in the media it isn’t gossip. Hey wait, does that mean that if it is written in the Link, it isn’t really loshon harah? Hmm, I think I am going to have to get a rabbinical opinion on that one. In any event, Rosh Hashanah is not the time or the place to be speaking ill of others (whether true, or not true, but most likely true) and I will do my best to adhere to this resolution or just keep my mouth filled with peanut M&M’s so I cannot speak at all…speaking of M&M’s, let me bring us to my last resolution.

For one day, I resolve to not eat any processed foods. I will do my best to only eat whole, natural foods that are not only good for my body, but good for my mood in general. I will first need to find out which pharmaceuticals are considered whole and natural. And then I will try to maintain that lifestyle for an entire day…maybe even two days…

But let’s face it, in all honesty, resolutions, the Jewish ones or the secular ones, really don’t mean a thing unless we take things upon ourselves that are genuine.

A few years ago, husband #1 and I, along with the three boys, decided to leave for a baseball trip during Hurricane Irene. Due to the fact that we had both failed meteorology in college, while thinking we were driving away from the storm, we were actually driving straight through it (again, this is what happens when two not very bright people marry each other–kids, don’t say we didn’t warn you). Husband #1 would drive and I would calmly say, “Holy shutterbugs honey, another tree just fell into the middle of the road, perhaps you could drive around that one…” As that continued to go on for some time and the only paragraph of Tehillim I knew was from benching, I just kept singing that little diddy and writing down a list of things that I was never going to do again if we made it Harrisburg, Pennsylvania alive (yes, you read correctly, I was praying to make it to Harrisburg…oy vey).

What I put on that list isn’t really important, they were things that I knew I could stick to and things that I hoped would keep my family from getting hit by a tree on our way to scenic Harrisburg (this particular baseball trip got way more exciting after Harrisburg…we went to a minor league game in Buffalo, then on to Toronto and then Boston…see, this was a really, really exciting trip). But those things I promised myself and God I would do, I did. Because even though we are not a superstitious religion, I really thought we were going to die.

So let us all make a very easy resolution for this New Year…let us all resolve to smile a little more, eat a little less (unless you are already cranky because you are good at that one), pray a little harder, and wish only good things for our neighbors, ourselves, and all of Israel…How’s that for a resolution? Wishing you all a happy and healthy new year and hoping all of your prayers are answered…Amen!