I count down the minutes until I can climb into bed and sink under the covers after a harried and enervating day. Yet rather than drift off into peaceful sleep, I toss and turn in bed for what seems an eternity. I wonder how my brain can still be racing at this late hour! As I wrestle with this thought, I arrive at my idea for this article.

As a therapist at the Yeshiva University Counseling Center, I frequently hear about such restless nights as students grapple not only with their regular academic concerns about looming papers and finals but also myriad other anxieties, exacerbated by what is transpiring in Israel and other external and internal pressures. Students ruminate on issues over which they have little or no control such as whether their respective seminaries were beneficial for them socially and religiously and whether they perhaps should have extended their time in Israel. They wonder which career path to pursue, about the paucity of internship options to build into their resumes and how soon they should pursue a partner for marriage.

Particularly at night, when one’s vulnerabilities and sensitivities soar, feelings of stagnation, powerlessness and hopelessness can abound. This emotional weight can manifest in panic attacks, paralyzing anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, and/or depressed. Daily news bombards already struggling minds with news of a potential new attack on Israel and even greater impending danger.

How then can we reverse these negative thoughts, assert some control, and make our days count in what otherwise can feel like stolen opportunities? Positive psychology teaches us that we can proactively alter the way we experience distressing life events. In his timeless book, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” Viktor Frankl posits that even when we lack control over our life situation, we are given the freedom to choose how we respond to it. We have the power to halt and then reframe our negative ruminations. Studies by renowned psychologist Carol Dweck, demonstrate that individuals who perceive these events as temporary are growth-oriented. They recognize them as crucial elements on a learning curve. These individuals are more successful in life, since they expect to encounter challenges and are significantly more motivated to confront them than their fixed-attitude counterparts.

The greatest predictors of success in individuals are not how they score on their SATs, GMATs or LSATs, but rather their resilience and grit in the face of challenges, as well as the emotional intelligence they develop while encountering them.

Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks, zt”l brilliantly depicts the biblical figure Joseph as the first cognitive therapist. Rather than harbor resentment, focusing upon his repeated maltreatment by his brothers, his wrongful imprisonment and other struggles, Joseph reframes his traumatic past. Joseph actively chooses to conceive of his previous hardship as part of a larger Divine plan to save his brothers, father, and many other lives. He summons the strength to fulfill a mission, “reinterpret misfortune as possibility” and acknowledge that which is positive in his situation.

Below are some suggestions for how to actively shift your thinking to a more positive and growth-oriented outlook, as well as hints for achieving more tranquil sleep:

• Reflect upon ways in which the situation in Israel has enabled you to feel more unified with Jews of every denomination and more steadfast in your Jewish identity. Refocus and channel your energy to explore proactive ways to volunteer and engage in relief efforts for Israeli soldiers and their respective families.
• Focus on your goals. Try to take four minutes to identify at least one personal goal you will attempt to tackle daily. Break larger, more complex aspirations/visions into smaller, more manageable parts.
• Connect with others. Are there close friends or family contacts with whom you have been able to strengthen ties during this time? Can you coordinate more FaceTime or Zoom sessions with loved ones to feel less isolated? The human need for connectivity is so fundamental that many have learned to become increasingly creative with various methods of socialization.
• Reserve a time to worry. Rather than allow your anxiety to pervade your entire day, assign 20 minutes in a secure and safe space to either vent your worries to a confidante or journal about them. Then attempt to shift gears outside of this time and work towards control.
• Acknowledge that which you do have control over. Identify that for which you are grateful and anything positive and auspicious that you experienced that day, or an endeavor you can eagerly anticipate.
• Physical or creative activity: Try to incorporate some physical activity or creative outlets into your day to release pent-up tension and to energize. Try brisk walking, yoga, Zumba or kickboxing. Alternatively, play music, dance, draw or paint. YouTube is a wonderful resource to find instruction and inspiration, often free of charge.
• Positive visualization: Sitting on a comfortable chair with your feet planted on the floor, imagine yourself in a tranquil environment, such as a beach. Feel the sand between your toes, inhale the fresh, warm air, listen to the waves wash against the shoreline, and let your eyes rest on the glistening reflection of the sun on the water. Transport yourself to the beauty and calm of this experience.
• Progressive relaxation response: Once again, sit in a chair with your feet planted flat on the floor, gradually tense up every part of your body. Close your eyes, hunch your shoulders in, clench your fists, tuck in your stomach, and squeeze your toes together. Keep your body in this tense state for a minute. Then, one by one, release your fists, relax your shoulders and stomach, wiggle the tension out of your toes, and finally open your eyes. Enjoy a release of tension throughout your body.

Let us strive to retire for the night and awaken each day with gratitude (Modeh Ani) on a mission to maximize this season of our lives. We have overcome and will continue to survive these hurdles. We will emerge fortified, armed with resilience, resourcefulness and unimagined insights.

Shira Silton, LCSW, received her bachelor’s from Brandeis University, an MSW in clinical social work from Columbia University, an master’sin Jewish studies, and is currently pursuing a doctorate in social welfare and policy at the Wurzweiler School of Social Work. Silton has been working as a psychotherapist for over 20 years providing individual, couples, family and group counseling in English, Hebrew, and Spanish. Currently she works as a Senior therapist and outreach program director at Yeshiva University’s Counseling Center with undergraduate and graduate students and has a private practice on the UWS. She can be reached at [email protected].