Our rabbis deem the days between Rosh Chodesh Elul and Yom Kippur as yemi ratzon-—days of yearning. During this 40–day period, Jewish people across the world ponder lifestyle and spiritual changes. Lifelong smokers consider going cold turkey from all tobacco products; lifelong nail biters contemplate withholding from chewing their fingernails any further. Both men and women reflect on their relationship with God and evaluate ways to improve it.
In his famous book,“Man’s Search For Meaning,” Viktor Frankl suggests all humans have an innate desire for personal and spiritual growth. Every year, ambitions for personal and spiritual growth reach their highest point on Rosh Hashanah. The loud shofar noise, meaningful rabbi’s speech, and day-long prayer services inspire everyone to seek improvement. Yet by next years’ time, many fail to bring this inspiration to fruition and have not actualized their ambitions or goals. According to rabbinic tradition, one thing stands between us and personal/spiritual growth: the yetzer hara, also known as the evil inclination.
The yetzer hara uses two amazing tricks to deter religious and spiritual growth. One trick includes filling one’s mind with a wide array of pessimistic and discouraging thoughts about self-improvement. For example, the yetzer hara may suggest to someone, “You’ve been biting your nails for 26 years, smoking cigarettes for 30 years, haven’t opened a Chumash in 40 years, and now you expect to change? Maybe Olympic athletes or Navy SEALs have the discipline to make such changes, but you? The statistics do not suggest it’s feasible. Why even bother?”
One story of a family friend can offer a solution to the yetzer hara’s first trick. This family friend named Steve* received a J.D. and CPA certification before age 30. In addition, he married a wonderful woman and purchased a spacious home all before turning 30 Before his 31st Rosh Hashanah, Steve paid a visit to the Kaliver Rebbe. Many people visit the Kaliver rebbe to receive spiritual, physical and family blessings for the upcoming year. Steve grabbed a seat and put both his hands onto the table. The Rebbe looked into Steve’s eyes and asked one question: “What are you learning right now?” Red spread across Steve’s face. He laid his head onto the table and offered a memorable reply. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” Nobody likes to admit their religious underperformance to a rabbi. Especially the Kaliver Rebbe.
The Rebbe touched Steve’s hand and offered words of encouragement, “Try to learn one halacha of Kitzur Shulchan Aruch a day after davening and one Mishna a day before you go to sleep. This will help you start and end your day with Torah.” Afterwards, Steve left the building and purchased a Kitzur Shulchan Aruch. The next day, Steve began to learn one halacha a day and one Mishna at night. Twenty-five years later, Steve has grown to learn Daf Yomi, the weekly parsha with Or HaChaim commentary, and has several chavrutot a week. Upon reflection, Steve pinpoints the Kaliver Rebbe meeting as pivotal to his religious development.
The yetzer hara’s second trick is plaguing one’s mind with despair after a personal or spiritual growth misstep. For example, if a man wants to attend minyan every morning but one day he sleeps in, the yetzer hara might suggest, “Why wake up tomorrow for minyan? Do you really want to make yourself sadder by aiming to make it and missing it again. Why get yourself more disappointed?”
One story of a friend named Carl* may offer a solution to this second trick. Several months ago, Carl received advice from a primary care doctor to lose weight. This news prompted Carl to begin a new diet. Two weeks into his diet, a test arrived. It occurred on a sleepless Saturday night. An hour of tossing and turning prompted Carl to imagine unhealthy food. Suddenly, Carl arose from bed and took out a babka from the fridge. Within a few minutes, Carl ate four pieces of the babka. This represented Carl’s first bite of cake in two weeks.
Following the last bite of piece number four, Carl re-entered the bedroom. Shameful thoughts started to permeate his mind: “You can’t keep up this diet. You gave in after two weeks. Chuck the diet and eat what you want. You only live once anyway. You’re just an unhealthy person.” Carl tried to deter each thought and to fall asleep. However, 30 minutes passed, and Carl remained awake. Frustrated and bored, Carl re-entered the kitchen and consumed another four pieces of babka. This decision cultivated enhanced guilt and shame for Carl.
The next morning, Carl struggled to get out of bed. Negative thoughts about breaking the diet and two weeks of discipline showed up. “You don’t deserve to get out of bed and go to minyan.” Yet, Carl decided to leave the apartment and show up for Shacharit anyway. From that day on, Carl has maintained a healthy diet.
Upon reflection Steve recalls the Kaliver Rebbe incident as his most embarrassing religious moment. Yet he allowed this period of embarrassment to pass and moved forward. He did not let the yetzer hara manipulate him to not give learning Torah a try. Step by step, Steve continues to climb the ladder of spiritual growth.
Similarly, Carl recalls the babka night as his biggest diet setback ever. However, he allowed this moment of shame to pass and moved forward. He did not let the yetzer hara manipulate him to quit dieting. Step by step, Carl continues to lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle. Both Steve and Carl exemplify one of the Chafetz Chaim’s most important lessons: “If you take the first step to change, God will help you complete the process.”
This Jewish holiday season, take a leap and make one new commitment. Choose one goal to accomplish. If doubts show up, keep moving forward. If failure or disappointments arise, stay on track. With God’s help, nothing can stop you. This is your year.
In the words of Rabbi Dani Rapp: “Shoot for the moon, because even if you fail, you will change yourself in the process.”
In the words of my professor, Dr. Robert Goldman: “Wellness is an effort.”
