It’s hard to live in the space between good and ugly
And sometimes I drown in that dark in-between
Losing bits of myself
as I go about my day
The parts of myself that I really loved
Bits of me left behind
In the laundry room
At the market by the cucumbers and dill
At the bottom of my coffee cup
Bits of me chipped away
Not so much as shedding skin like the garden snake by the dusty trail, renewed and reborn
But like rose-patterned china that slips through my soapy fingers and smashes on the tile floor
I see myself in those shards
I recognize jaded pieces of myself
How can you feel whole when you’re lost in that empty space between good and ugly?
There are times I feel anchored in Faith and tethered by Courage
And there are times when the rope that holds me together
Burns
They say time heals all wounds
What time would that be?
Surprisingly, it’s in the storm that I am learning
to be both
broken and whole
Like the two sets of tablets Moses placed in the Ark
One set shattered and one set complete
Side by side
The four chambers of my heart
I remind myself
Just
Breathe
Breathe
Breathe
Learning to live in the space between good and ugly
My breath fogs up the car window
Evaporating
Then reappearing
And on the frosted glass
I trace the word
Hope
Esti Rosen Snukal made aliyah from Teaneck with her family, in 2012. She is the mother to four sons and an adopted mother to many lone soldiers. Esti resides in Chashmonaim and can be found walking her dog Ruby or doing the NY Times Connections. Esti can get reached at [email protected] or on Instagram @esti1818
