Parents are hard-wired to protect their children from the beginning. Before they’re barely old enough to toddle, we talk to them about looking both ways, never going into the pool without an adult and what to do if they’re approached by a stranger. But when it comes to sexual assault and abuse, many parents of young children are at a loss for words. How can you start the conversation when the topic itself feels so uncomfortable, scary or even inappropriate?
Sexual abuse happens across communities, settings, and ages—and is often committed, not by strangers, but by people our children believe they can trust. The Project S.A.R.A.H. team knows it’s never too early to open the dialogue about how our kids can keep themselves safe. In fact, S.A.R.A.H has these discussion regularly with students, teachers and families through their school outreach programs.
The reassuring news is that there are plenty of age-appropriate ways parents can get kids thinking and talking about healthy relationships and positive consent—without even using those terms. The key is to build the conversation around the friendships they already have. As soon as they’re old enough to play with others, establish the following rules and expectations: First, whether they’re climbing on a jungle gym or starting a game of hide-and-seek, all involved parties should be on board with the plan. Pressuring others to join is never allowed, and anyone is free to change his/her mind at any time. Second, the chosen activity should feel safe and comfortable to everyone—physically and emotionally. Third, the game must be permitted by the parents/adult caregivers of all involved children. If someone suggests keeping an activity, behavior, or touch a secret, teach your child that he or she can and should come to you without fear of punishment.
Indeed, that last sentence is the most important take-away of all. Seize every possible opportunity to show your kids that you’re there to talk, and especially to listen, anytime an interaction with another person doesn’t feel right—even if they’re the one who coerced another child to climb to the top of the jungle gym. Start the dialogue now, and it will keep evolving for years to come. Join Project S.A.R.A.H. at their upcoming breakfast on April 7 to learn more about the full array of prevention services available to the Jewish community. Call 973-777-7638 or email [email protected] to find out more.
By Cara Harmon, LSW
