We must apologize (?) to all of our readers for our picture, which is proudly placed next to the name of this column. The opinions written in our articles belong to both of us. We chose to marry each other and bring up our children together. Our involvement in the community was a choice that we made together. As a result we could never and would never allow a picture of just one of us be attached to our commentaries.
Are people nuts today? What are they teaching young women? We personally would choose not to support any organization that honors a couple yet only brings attention to the “Mr..”
One day on a Friday, Erev Shabbat, eight years ago, Nina was in a hair salon in Montreal that had a large makeup department. There were at least eight young women waiting to have their makeup applied prior to Shabbat. Puzzled, Nina asked one of the ladies working there what the occasion was that there were so many chassidishe young girls there to have makeup applied. The answer totally floored both of us. Nina was told that each week, every Erev Shabbat, it had become a ritual that these girls, who were not yet married, came in to have their makeup done professionally. Were they having it done to be noticed or to be hidden away? Do these organizations wish for these young women to be seen prior to marriage only? It all makes absolutely no sense to us.
At a dressmaker recently in Crown Heights, Nina observed young girls between the ages of 14 and 17 waiting to have their outfits made more tzniut. Some needed sleeves to be added; others required the hemline to be made longer. Yet one comment struck Nina: a mother, whose daughter was no more than a size 2, suggested that she should buy her Spanx to wear with her outfit so she would look even thinner. For those who are unaware of what Spanx are, close your eyes and imagine wearing the tightest elastic around your body that makes it almost impossible to breathe. This mother thought that her daughter of 15 might look too heavy in her size 2 outfit.
It seems that appearances are of great concern in the world of the more to “the right communities” regarding how their young daughters seem to others. Fast forward a good number of years, and these same young women’s pictures are now being swiped off of advertisements. Honestly, who even looks so closely at these pictures? It all seems so senseless to us.
The plague of young women with eating disorders is something that has become rampant in the Jewish community. Young girls being beautified in preparation for being shown to the public with concerns about their looks and their waistlines, who years later are married and being removed from pictures of them with their spouses. We don’t get it. A woman can be honored but her picture cannot be shown. What would these publications have done if Hillary Clinton won the election? Jokingly, we said to each other that they would have displayed a picture of Bill Clinton, a great example of moral fortitude.
Might we suggest that the next time any N’shei organization publishes a magazine or newsletter they make a point of removing any man’s pictures from their calendar of events or ads. In the future any men’s suit store will need to show pictures of the skins of animals to display what material their products are made of instead of a man’s picture. Felt hats should definitely be displayed on sheitel heads rather than men’s heads in advertising.
What’s fair is fair and the bottom line is that we wish this was a Purim shpiel, but unfortunately it is happening in the real world. It makes us cringe to think about what ridiculous ideas will come up next!
By Rabbi Mordechai and Nina Glick
Rabbi Mordechai and Nina Glick are living in Bergenfield after many years of service to the Montreal Jewish community. Rabbi Glick was the rav of Congregation Ahavat Yisroel as well as a practicing clinical psychologist in private practice. He also taught at Champlain Regional College. The Glicks were frequent speakers at the OU marriage retreats. Nina coordinated all Yachad activities in Montreal and was a co/founder of Maison Shalom, a group home for young adults with special needs. They can be reached at [email protected].
