Our past selves are most likely very different than who we are today. Despite that, we are told in Pirkei Avot (Mishna), “Know where you came from.” Essentially, this is teaching us that we should remember our past mistakes, challenges and successes. However, when it comes to the mitzvah of teshuva (repentance), once you are forgiven, you don’t speak about the mistakes. Now that you have made it through the challenge, you should not bring it up.
Which is it? Do I forget the pain, mistakes and successes of the past? Or am I supposed to carry them with me? In this week’s parsha, Vayera, Lot and his family are told not to turn back and look at Sodom, the land they lived in that was being destroyed. Lot’s wife did not listen and turned back, causing her to turn into a pillar of salt. This instance in Tanach provides the answer to the question: Should I look back at my past?
Many of you may be thinking, definitely not— Lot’s wife turned into salt. But like everything else in Judaism, we must find a balance. Our past can help shape us into our best selves. Hashem does not give us challenges to punish us but to help us become who we are meant to be. The mistakes, successes, and all that happened aren’t by coincidence but rather from Hashem, and we must remember them all. We must remember and use them as tools to bring us up, not to bring us down. The wife of Lot wanted to remember the past because she loved it. She didn’t think of it as wrong and was not going to use it to become better. She did not want to change.
When we continue to look at our past like the wife of Lot and not use it to better ourselves, then we should not remember it. It is when we use our past as a tool to help us and others that we should remember it. May we all not use our past to make us feel down but to make us see the accomplishments and growth we have made and will make. May we see the struggles and mistakes we have made and will make as opportunities for growth and as ways to get closer to Hashem.
Shira Sedek is a passionate educator at Ramaz Middle School in New York City who loves teaching Torah and inspiring her students.
