A friend and client of mine who is an educator recently sent me a YouTube video by the famous inspirational speaker Simon Sinek regarding engagement with so-called “millennials” in the workplace. The term millennials is used to describe people from the generation born between the early 1980s and the first several years following the turn of the century. Sinek’s description of the parents of millennials, which covers people my age, and the millennials themselves is not flattering. He discusses some of the negative characteristics often perceived to be common among millennials, such as a sense of entitlement, impatience, narcissism and a general feeling of unhappiness, and he attributes many of them to a combination of contributing factors, including failed parenting strategies. Another of these factors is the overuse of social media, which includes Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube and, last but far from least, the cell phone. While I do not agree with much of his assessment about millennials, I do share his views about the effect of social media and cell phone usage and their damaging consequences regarding our mental and physical health and wellbeing.
Most of us have been influenced both favorably and adversely by various advances in technology—whether you are a baby boomer, from generation X or a millennial, the impact of the rapid technological changes in your world has become all-encompassing, with both positive and negative ramifications. While communication, for example, has become easier and more convenient, we now have significantly fewer “voice to voice” interactions and even fewer “face to face” interactions. Much of our communication with others is now via text or Facebook; if you are old-fashioned, you might still communicate via email. Research has suggested that the sense of social disconnectedness that results from this can sometimes lead to depression, feelings of isolation and the concern that one is just not “measuring up.”
I recently attended a dinner for a tzedaka organization; I knew just about everyone sitting at my table, some better than others. The one woman who seemed not to have any friends at the table spent the entire evening on her cell phone. The result of this behavior was that no one (myself included) attempted to engage her in conversation since she appeared unapproachable. I imagine that she spent the time on her phone since she felt socially disconnected from the other women at the table, and the cell phone was a way to stay busy. I also imagine that she did not feel positive about the overall social experience of the evening, and probably wondered why she was seated at that table in the first place. Now, I do feel bad personally that I did not reach out to her, but her cell phone was a barrier to initiating any kind of social interaction. This same scenario often plays out at weddings, conferences, meetings and other get-togethers; if you don’t know anyone, you can stay busy with your phone, or texting, or deleting old emails or checking Facebook, etc. You never have to look up or make eye contact with anyone else. But while this activity might indeed alleviate some social discomfort, the result of this behavior is usually that at the end of the evening you feel negatively about the event and you experience a sense of loneliness and personal inadequacy.
Facebook notifies me when any of my “friends” are having a birthday; I can then wish her a happy birthday on her timeline with an “emoji” so she knows that I care about her. If you feel very close to someone, you can send the person a “bitmoji,” which is an expressive cartoon avatar of yourself expressing a personal happy birthday message, or a wish of mazal tov on the birth of a new child or grandchild. In this fashion, one can receive hundreds of happy birthday or mazal tov wishes and never actually speak to anyone. While it is nice to know that so many people thought about you, even if for just one moment, the lack of any “real” communication can leave you feeling emotionally empty and wondering why you don’t seem to have any friends who are close enough to you to be willing to take just a few extra minutes to talk to you and wish you well more personally.
A recent study conducted by the University of Maryland demonstrated that constant use of social media can lead to an actual addiction. An increasing number of people are now using their smartphones to visit media sites. They feel the need multiple times during the day to check up on what is being posted by others and posting themselves. This has become a part of the way people spend their time, even when they are physically with other people. I have no doubt that most readers can all relate to this. I admit that I find myself checking my cell phone multiple times a day for no particular reason—I just do it. Am I addicted? Maybe. Do you check your cell phone first thing in the morning before even getting out of bed? If you wake up in the middle of the night, do you check your phone or send someone a text?
Facebook posts (when not about politics) frequently depict people having a fabulous time on vacation, visiting Israel, out with friends on the beach or at a restaurant, etc. I had a client this past week tell me about how she felt during the just-concluded “yeshiva week” break. She stayed home, which she enjoyed very much, but she expressed the feeling that perhaps her life did not quite “measure up” to the exciting lives of the people posting online about their exotic trips.
It is known that social isolation and loneliness often lead to poor health habits. Ice cream, candy, pasta and chips may look like old friends when one feels even slightly or temporarily depressed, and overeating unhealthy foods is thus a common result. Sleep patterns have been seriously affected by late-night Netflix binge-watching, email checking and Facebook posting. Lack of exercise is also a common side effect of excessive social media engagement.
So what can we do? Social media is here to stay. We are not going back to sending “airletters” (remember those?) or even to using flip phones. But if this article speaks to you, try the following: Tonight (or the first possible night after Shabbos), recharge your phone anywhere but your bedroom. Plan some cell-phone-free evenings next week. If this is too much, try an hour or two. And if you hear that someone had a baby, a grandchild or a birthday, and you have a relationship with that person, call him or her on the phone instead of texting or writing on Facebook.
Reach out—let your voice be heard!
By Beth Taubes
Beth S. Taubes, RN, OCN, CBCN, certified health coach, is the director of Wellness Motivations and will be offering a 30-day “My Challenge” program to help you get back in shape in addition to nutrition consultations, stress management through yoga, individual and group fitness classes. She can be reached at [email protected] or at Wellnessmotivationsbt.com.
