Sunday, December 04, 2022

After winning the CBYMSL championship in 2012, The Mossad, 12-1 and in first place go­ing into the playoffs, look to bring the cham­pionship back to 10-06 Saddle River Rd, Fair Lawn, NJ 07410, the home of many past Mos­sad trophies and plaques.

Last season, the usually dominant Mos­sad failed to make a strong showing, resulting in a 7-6 record and a disappointing first round exit from the playoffs. Looking to bounce back this year with a vengeance, the younger, al­beit heavier, newlyweds of the Mossad came out swinging, running and panting hard. Led by co-captains Jody “Billy Beane” Bardash and Steve “Hard Head” Margulies, the Mossad, known for their intelligence and special oper­ations, have built a deep farm system of some of the most prolific young players you will find around the league. Jody, with a knack for per­suading young stars into playing for him in ex­change for free cavity fillings, has bonded a team with the perfect balance of talent and winning personalities.

Moshe “I’m always right” Lerer, surprised the league by transforming himself from a dead pull power hitting southpaw, into an op­posite field hitting machine, leading the team ( and most likely the league) with an eye pop­ping .764 batting average (BA). Rising star Moshe “I was born to play softball” Lifshitz, fol­lowed Lerer’s lead with an incredible .643 BA, as well as leading the team in home runs and triples. Next up, Gavriel “I am better than both Moshe’s” Feld and his younger brother Yisra­el “The Chosen One” Feld, anchored the left side of the infield and instilled fear into the op­posing team and any Bardash catching their throws at first base.

Hank “the ageless wonder” Reinhart, came out of retirement this season, after a year off to rest his legs. After watching the team deterio­rate without him, he returned and maintained his Ricky Henderson like running skills, despite his Ricky Martin speed.

The team ended the season with a collec­tive .569 BA, including two games with 37 hits! Both of those spectacular games saw contribu­tions from the entire team, as they hit the ball hard and had their opposition running around like wild turkeys.

Rolling in each week from Queens, as part of his farewell season before the controversial “Non-Bergen County Resident” rule goes into effect next season, Cobi “Opposite Field” Fried­man made opposing teams shift’s look silly as he slapped the ball down the left field line time and time again. Capping off the team’s lefty quintuplet threat, Zachary “Walk-Off” Stone proved clutch throughout the season with walk-off hits, bunt RBI doubles and several web gems in center field.

Sure-handed Douglas “Silent but Deadly” Blumenfeld, served as a key utility player for the team. With his background as a profession­al youth leader in Keter Torah, Dougie helped manage the charismatic divas of the Mossad through leading by example, staying humble, and making several spectacular plays in the field from multiple positions.

Etan “The Good Bardash” Bardash, the lead­off batter for the Mossad, was the catalyst for many of the team’s big rallies. His older broth­er Yoni “Big Strike Zone” Bardash ended up only being able to play in a handful of games, as he spent much of his time starring on ABC’s The Bachelor.

The bash brother of Moshe Lifshitz, Eitan “Home run or Nothing” Rosenfeld, smashed countless home runs for the Mossad in what many consider to be his break-out season. He is still looking for a fielding position though, as he seems to have difficulty playing catcher in a league with no drop third strikes or stealing.

As part of their spectacular recruiting ef­forts, Jody and Steven managed to put togeth­er a supporting cast of unbelievable part-time players, playing a key role in the Mossad’s abil­ity to win week in and week out. Akiva “I Am More Than Just A Pretty Face” Blumenthal, Jono “My Dad Played On This Team” Wietschner, Zev “This Team Always Wins When I Play” Linden­baum and Akiva “0-4 In His One Game But Has A Lot Of Potential” Gottlieb truly helped this team reach high levels.

As the team looks ahead towards the play­offs, they plan to step on the gas and run over anyone who gets in their way.

Some things to look for in the off-season: Will the old guys finally retire and free up play­ing time for the kids? Will the newlyweds shed their extra 15lbs. of “shana rishona weight”? (By the way, that’s 15lbs. each)! Guess we’ll just have to wait till April 2015 to find out.

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